I didn’t want to become my mother. I was only teasing when I told him I would break him.
Unfortunately, due to a great deal of carelessness on my part, history felt like it was about to repeat itself.
Just before Spring Break my period was late.
And I was freaking the fuck out.
I stared down hard at my empty pack of birth control pills then double checked the calendar on my phone. I had forgotten to take my pill a couple of times over the past month, but always immediately made up for it by doubling up.
Because I was on the pill, I always knew what day my period would start. My period was supposed to begin two days ago but it never happened. I tried to relax, I tried to have a fun day with Grace picking out baby girl clothes of all things, hoping if I didn’t stress myself out too much it would happen.
But each minute, each hour that passed, my anxiety increased greatly. It was Saturday and eight o’clock in the evening. I had left Grace’s house over an hour ago. The enormous gravity of my situation pressed so hard against my chest, it felt like I could barely breathe by the time I decided to call Brett.
“Hey, beautiful. Did you have fun?” Brett asked, completely unsuspecting when he picked up. He knew I was spending the day with Grace so he told me he was going to put in some extra time at the gym training. He was starting to practically live there those days.
“Yeah, I had a great day,” I said a little too squeaky. “Um, I’d really like to see you in person. Think you could swing by?”
“What’s wrong?” Brett asked.
I couldn’t express my fear over the phone so I said as steadily as I could, “I’ll tell you when you get here.”
“Are you alright?”
“Yes,” I assured him though I was not alright. Not at all. “We need to talk.”
There was a quiet pause so long I had to ask, “Are you still there?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No!” I said immediately. “It’s nothing like that, I promise. I just need you, Brett, please.”
“Okay,” he said and I could hear a car door slamming in the background. “I’ll be there as soon as I can get there.”
“Thank you.”
“I love you, Mandy.”
I told him, “I love you, too,” then hung up.
The situation felt all too like the time I asked Brett to drive over and pick me up after my parents split up. As I stood on my front step waiting for Brett, needing him to come and rescue me, I was suffering a severe case of déjà vu. By the time Brett pulled into my driveway, my heart was racing so fast I felt like throwing up. Then I had the horrible, irrational thought that the reason I wanted to puke was not because I was giving myself a panic attack, which I totally was, but because I was experiencing morning sickness for the first time. And morning sickness meant I was pregnant. Which meant my life was over.
Like a crazy bitch, I burst into tears right then and there.
“Mandy!” Brett called out to me and jumped out of his car. “What’s wrong?” he asked, running up my front steps and pulling me into his arms.
I clutched at his sweaty t-shirt and just sobbed and soaked him with my tears.
“Baby, tell me what’s wrong,” Brett said desperately, brushing my hair back and tipping my head up. “Are you hurt? Did something happen?”
I focused on his face, on his worried eyes through the blur of my tears and willed myself to calm down. Soaking up strength just from him being near me, just by the simple fucking fact that he actually cared, I felt myself calming.
After a long moment, I managed to whisper, “I missed my period,” and watched all the blood drain from Brett’s face.
Brett
The urgent plea in her voice broke me out of my composed center and pushed me to race to her house.
I was in a fucking Volvo though, and it wasn’t fast enough for my tastes. Red lights were my enemy and stop signs almost gave me heart attacks. I really wanted to get to her and find out what was causing the pain in her voice. Fuck. All those urges to race and I couldn’t believe that I was slowing down my car.