The gravity of his words hit me. I knew from my work that blood relatives only had a small chance of being a donor match. Seventy percent of people don't have a family match at all. And Lizzie was adopted.
"What about her birth family?"
"Out of the picture."
"And a bone marrow or blood registry? There's no match there?"
"Her doctors are on it, but so far ... nothing." Cairn scrubbed his face and looked away.
A loss like this, of the best being taken while those who loved them watched, powerless, was brutal, I knew. "I'm sorry," was all I could say.
"Yeah, me too." Cairn said his next words with a cautious tone. "And your family? What were they like?"
"They were wonderful." When he didn't push, I felt a nudge from within to go on. "A drunk driver killed them two years ago. We were going out to dinner, and I was running late. I told them I would meet them there." His bright blue eyes focused on me with such sorrow that I shrugged. "It can't be undone. No matter what I do."
Cairn shifted closer to me and put his hand over mine, and I trembled, just once. Would I ever get used to this man touching me? At the thought, an ache bloomed in my belly, and my pulse quickened. Cairn's fingers drifted over my wrist.
"No, it can't," he said. "You can only go forward." His face hovered so near mine I could almost breathe in his words. He lifted one hand as if he might touch me but paused when I took a sharp inhale.
"Do you know that from experience?" It was too personal, I knew, but I needed the space.
"Yes, I do." He let his hand fall to the table. "We were young, knew each other from our primary days. Our families were good friends." Cairn leaned back and picked up the glass of ale that arrived. "But I was a dumb kid trying to take on the world. I wanted to be a big shot, so I made that my priority, and not her. So she found another guy to make her his priority. While we were still married, I might add. It was over really before it began."
"And you got to have the career you wanted?"
"Yes, but it came at a price. We aren't friends anymore, and neither are our families. My parents were disappointed. I felt really bad about that for a long time because they raised me better than that. I hurt her, and she, in turn, hurt me and all the honor went out of our marriage."
I nodded.
"But I won't make the same mistakes the second time around." He set the glass down with finality. "I learned that. I want the kind of marriage my parents have, with someone who wants the same things I do."
"And what is that?" I asked with trepidation.
"Family. Home. The things that really matter, for the rest of my life."
I swallowed and examined my own corner of the table. So did I.
This time, Cairn's hand made it to my face. He tilted up my chin.
"I know it's important to have family. I promise I'll do what I can to help you find yours."
In that moment, I'd almost forgotten that was what I was here for.
CAIRN WAS AS GOOD as his word, and over the next week, we fell into a routine. During the day, I visited libraries and public offices. Cairn always joined me later, throwing his suit jacket over a chair and unbuttoning his shirt. When his glasses went on, I knew we were in it for the long haul. We would work for hours, only getting up to stretch or find coffee.
When my eyes were too tired to read, I would take a break and study him instead. That wave of raven hair always cascaded across his brow, but he never pushed it back. Many times I imagined myself touching that hair, touching that face. It became evident that I liked this man very much.
"I can't believe what you're doing for me," I stammered one night. "I mean, you don't even know me. Don't you have somewhere you need to be?"
Cairn examined me a beat over his glasses. "Nowhere but here."
After our research, I always walked to the Brightwell home, enjoying the graying streets at night, while Cairn walked in the opposite direction to his flat. One night a week later, however, we stayed out until almost midnight going over records and talking. As we stepped into the dark, I started in the direction of home, but Cairn grabbed my arm, pulling me to his side. The touch points sent tingles across my skin.
"It's too late to walk. Let me get you a taxi."
When it arrived, I started to say goodnight, but he surprised me by getting in. He pulled me next to him, flush against his side, and the feel of his warm body against me sent a jolt right to my core.
Cairn said nothing until we arrived at the Brightwell home, where he got out first and pulled me to him again with such intensity that I almost stumbled. His hands fell to my hips as he steadied me against the car, and he dipped his face close to mine.