"But it's not up to me," he continues. "The foundation's board of directors makes that decision. I have a say, but not control. So if you want to keep the position, at the very least you need to get in front of this."
"I can't deny it," Lyle says, looking toward me.
"You shouldn't," Damien says. "You should tell the world the rest of it. The whole truth, Lyle. All the reasons you wanted to be part of this organization in the first place. Trust me," he adds. "It's painful, but you'll come through the other side. I've been there. I know."
I listen with awed understanding. Damien knows. When Lyle went to Damien about being part of the SCF, he must have filled Damien in on everything, knowing that Stark would understand, having suffered so much himself.
I hope that Da
mien's heartfelt words will be enough to convince Lyle, but when he shoves his hands into his pockets instead of answering, I know that may be a long road.
But the fact that he's told both me and Damien gives me hope.
"I need to go make a statement and get on top of this," Damien says.
"Christ," Lyle says. "The SCF doesn't need this. I'm so sorry."
"Don't worry," Damien says firmly. "I've got a long track record of surviving scandal. The foundation's going to come through." He looks between me and Lyle. "We'll leave you two alone to talk."
I nod, my stomach feeling hollow. Lyle had reached for me when I first came into the room, but after that, he pushed away. And he hasn't reached for me since.
Nikki and Damien leave, flanked by the security team, and as soon as the door clicks shut, I move to Lyle's side. I reach for him, but he shrugs away, the brush-off filling that hollow place in me with heavy lead weights.
"I'm so sorry," he says, looking at me with torment in his eyes. "I did this to you. Christ, Sugar, you must fucking hate me."
"The only way I'd hate you is if I found out you hired those women after we got together."
"God no. Never again. Since you, there's only been you." The response is fast and vehement. I had no doubts, of course, but if I had, the force of his denial would have erased them.
"Then what do you have to be sorry for?"
"Are you kidding? Those assholes turned their cameras on you, too. You're not any happier that this is out than I am."
"Happy? No, of course I'm not. But that doesn't make you guilty. I mean, come on. I knew what I was walking into. Bottom line, I accepted a job to exchange sex for money. To fake an engagement so that my house would get paid off. I did that, Lyle. Nobody forced me to."
I draw in a breath, feeling remarkably better as I get this off my chest. "And, yeah, it was a secret, but so what? It's out in the world because of a decision I made. And even if the leak was because of your asshole co-star, that doesn't change the bottom line--it's out there because it's true. Because somewhere along the way, I did all those things that the reporters are saying."
"This foundation is important to me," he snaps. "And Rip and that fucking reporter just yanked it out from under me. You know I'm going to have to resign, right? There's no way the board will keep me on. They can't afford to have every event be about my behavior instead of their kids. Fuck."
He starts to pace. "This was one of the few things in my life that truly felt real, and they're ripping it away from me."
"I'm sorry," I say. "I am. But your talent is real. Your passion."
"I've been living a lie and it's come back to haunt me." His voice is hoarse. Tortured.
I feel the tears well in my eyes, and I try to hold them back. He's so torn apart right now, and all I want is to put him back together. But I don't know how. I'm afraid that the only one who can is Lyle himself.
"I'm not a lie," I whisper. "You and I aren't a lie."
I watch his face, but he doesn't answer, and my heart bleeds a little.
I have to swallow twice before I can speak. My throat is too thick with unshed tears. "Don't you get it?" I demand. "You're freaking out because someone shined a light on the truth. The truth," I repeat.
Then I draw a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't live that way."
He looks up at me, his eyes as wary as a caged animal.
"Damien's right. It's time you stopped living lies. And until you do, the couple that you and I could be will stay as fake as this engagement."