“I’ve been telling myself that I’m not good enough for her for seven years,” Lizzie says to her. “Luckily, we got drunk one night, and the next thing you know, she’s riding—” I put my hand up.
“I don’t want to know.” I get up and look at them. “I’m happy for you.”
I walk out of the room, the smell of Becca still lingering in the air. My heart falling when I walk into my bedroom and I see that the cleaning lady washed the sheets. Walking over to the bed, I stand here looking at the spot where she used to sleep. “Becca,” I whisper her name, falling on the bed. I bring the pillow to my nose and moan when it doesn’t smell like her anymore. “Becca,” I call her name, praying that somehow she can hear me. “Becca,” Again and again, I say her name until the darkness takes me.
Chapter 33
Becca
I roll out of bed, my whole body hurting from the top of my head right down to my toes. I skipped another morning run, and at this point, I don’t even care. It’s been over a week since I last saw Nico. The calls stopped after that night as did the texts.
I don’t know what I was expecting. I told him it was over, so why would he still send me messages and texts. I walk over to the coffee machine, pressing the button, then I turn on the television. The sports news makes me look up, and I lie to myself, thinking that I’m doing it for my clients.
Instead, I wait to see any shots of Nico. I turn off the television after the guy stops talking about the Oilers because I’m not interested in the other games. I walk up to my bedroom, and I get dressed. I grab my beige knit checkered skirt that wraps around so I can make it fit on my body. The weight I lost has not come back. I grab my long-sleeved cashmere sweater with gold buttons down the front, then slip on the caramel suede booties.
I just stare at myself in the mirror. “When is the last time you were happy?” I ask myself, and I know the answer. “When was the last time you smiled?” Is the next question. “When was the last time you did something for you?”
I walk away from the mirror, grabbing a Starbucks before work. I walk into the office, and it’s like a switch flips in me. “Erika,” I say once I get closer to my office. “Can you tell my brothers I need to have an emergency meeting?”
“Sure,” she says, and she picks up the phone. I walk into my office and take my wraparound shawl off and sit at my desk. Turning my chair, I look out the window. “They said they can do it now.”
“Perfect,” I say, smiling and getting up. “I’d like you to attend also.”
She nods at me, and we walk to the conference room. Trevor is right behind me, followed by Francis.
“I’m almost afraid of this meeting,” Francis says, sitting down in one of the empty seats, and I laugh.
I look at them and smile. “Guys.” I swallow.
“She’s pregnant,” Trevor says. “Fuck.”
“How can she be pregnant and lose fifty pounds?” Francis says.
“Okay, one, I’m not pregnant,” I say. “Two, I lost fifteen pounds, not fifty. But I am leaving.”
“Leaving?” they both say at the same time. I look over at Erika, who looks at me in shock.
“More of a sabbatical than anything else.” I smile for the first time in a long time. “Erika is going to take over for me since she knows all of my clients.”
“Where are you going to go?” Trevor asks.
“I have no idea,” I tell them honestly. “Somewhere warm where I can sit on the beach.”
“But this isn’t forever,” Francis says. I shake my head and the tear comes out.
“It’s not forever. It’s …” I look around the table. “I’m not happy,” I admit. “And I don’t like myself not happy. I miss the old me who used to be happy to get up and run on the treadmill. I miss the old me that used to come into work and dive right in. I miss the old me who didn’t have a broken heart.” I haven’t told my brothers the secret about Nico and his fake wedding. I haven’t told anyone because it’s not my story to tell, and I would never betray him like that. “I just need a new start.”
“Whatever you need,” Erika says.
“Thank you,” I say. “Now, I’m not just going to up and leave. I’ll finish this week. I will tell my closest clients, but other than that, if you need anything, I will always be just a phone call away.”
“What do we tell people?” Trevor asks.