“What did my father do?” she asked.
“He held up a mirror.”
Frowning against his back, she said, “What does that even mean?”
Ian sighed and turned, gently loosening her arms and stepping away. “It can wait. You need sleep.”
He wouldn’t look at her, but she could see the strain in the line of his back, the weariness dogging each step he took away from her. She wanted to touch and soothe, but he seemed brittle somehow, so she let him pace.
“So do you. And I’m thinking that’s not likely with those deep thoughts kicking around in your brain. Tell me what’s worrying you, Ian.”
He fisted his hands. “I don’t know how to protect you.”
Whatever she’d expected, it wasn’t that. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’ve been protecting me for the better part of a month. I’ve lost count of the number of times you’ve saved my life.”
His temper lashed the air as he spun to face her. “And endangered it. I took you into shadow, where you got attacked by a goddamned shade. I failed to properly anticipate the actions of the squad and nearly got you shot. Would have gotten you shot if not for Diego. Would have gotten you captured if not for burning through all of my power reserves and leaving myself so empty that at the first sign of the next threat, I pulled you into my worst nightmare, where you nearly died.”
She’d made a mistake, she realized, in waiting to talk to him until after she had the cloaking spell inked. The guilt had taken hold and was eating him alive. Her father had probably helped that along, damn him.
“I understand you went through something horrible,” she began. “That when you were changed, those bastards took someone from you who you clearly loved very much—”
“They didn’t kill her. I did. I fucking drained her dry, ensuring her last moments on earth were nothing but pain and terror. I nearly did the same to you, Marley. Do you understand that?” His words, his face, were hard, calculated to push her away.
Of course she understood it. The pain of the wound had been real. The blood, real. Just as she understood his sacrifice was real.
“I understand you were willing to enslave yourself to me in order to save my life, no matter the cost to you. I understand that we are bound, that I survived because of you. I survived, Ian. We both survived. And if you think I’m going to let you torture yourself and talk yourself into walking away because you feel guilty about the fact that you aren’t perfect and can’t control the world, then you’ve got another goddamned thing coming.” She crossed to him and cupped his face to make certain he met her eyes. “Living is risk, and I’d rather take the risk than lose you.”
Ian flinched away, backed across the room. “How can you even stand to touch me? You were there. You saw what they did. How can you look at me and not see the thing that lives inside me?”
“Yeah, I was there. I saw how they tortured you, what you endured, what you survived. They made you what you are, but they didn’
t change who you are. Against all odds, you retained your humanity.” Though he was shaking his head to refute her words, she rolled on. “You want to know what I see when I look at you, Ian? I see a man of honor and integrity, who puts others ahead of himself. I don’t see your scars or the beast inside you, I see you. I love you.”
Ian didn’t move. Didn’t speak.
The words hung between them, a barrier rather than the tether she’d hoped for. She’d thrown herself right off that cliff, expecting him to catch her, and she was plummeting in the worst possible way. Her chest tightened and her limbs tingled with the need to wrap around her torso, protection against this unexpected lack of response. Rather than give in, Marley steeled her spine, ignored the heat in her cheeks. “Maybe you can’t believe that. Maybe you think everything between us has been some kind of adrenaline-fueled Stockholm syndrome or something. But I’m telling you, it’s not. At least, not for me.” She took a breath. “Now if I’ve completely misread you, if you don’t care for me, don’t want me, then—”
She didn’t get a chance to finish. Ian yanked her to her toes, covering her mouth with his. He could move so fast when he wanted to.
Her heart leapt in surprise, in relief. Oh, thank God. Thank God, he caught me.
He assaulted her mouth with the same focused attention he gave everything. It wrecked her system, shot her careening into lust and then straight on to need. She speared a hand into his hair, fisted the other in his t-shirt to drag him closer. When she nipped his lips to goad, he gentled, easing back, pressing his forehead to hers. She whimpered at the loss.
“Never think I don’t want you.” His breath wasn’t altogether steady. “You’re the only thing that matters to me. But—”
Marley nipped his lip in reproach. “The buts don’t matter. Only this matters.”
She tipped her mouth to his again, intent on devouring, but he pulled back.
“Just…just slow down. Be sure.”
Marley stepped back, keeping her gaze steady on his. “I’m very sure.” She loosened the tie on the robe, let it fall open.
Ian’s eyes flared silver, his breath caught.
Marley reached out, grasped one of his clenched hands. “Touch me,” she whispered.
His hand flexed once before he lifted her palm, pressing a kiss to the center. “You humble me,” he murmured. His words, the brush of his lips, made her knees go weak.