I reached up, kissing him quickly, and turned to go back into the Great Room. I couldn’t think of anything I’d experienced in my life as frightening as what I was about to do, but there was no way to get around it.
I needed to speak to my king.
Twenty-Six
IN THE SHORT TIME I’D been gone, the courtiers had already gotten swept up in the festivities. I had to press myself up against the wall to walk to the head of the room so I didn’t get trampled. Jameson was poking one of the lords in the chest, laughing at a joke or comment, loving the mood of the room and the adoration of his people.
“Hollis!” he called out upon seeing me return. “I have something I must take care of.”
He moved to get the attention of the room, but I pulled his hands down.
“Please, Your Majesty. Before anything, I must speak to you in private. It’s urgent.”
He squinted his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe I might have any need that could be considered urgent. “Of course. Come with me.”
He ushered me into his private rooms, closing the door and locking out the fray.
“My Hollis, what is so imperative that we had to speak now?”
I pulled in a breath. “It has come to my attention that you intend to ask me to be your queen tonight.” He smiled, knowing this was no secret to anyone anymore. “I had to tell you that I am not prepared to say yes.”
The excited fidgeting he’d been doing all night came to an abrupt stop. He stared at me as if I’d taken an axe to the stained-glass windows, as if the shards were showering down around us now. Very carefully, he reached up and took off the Crown of Estus, setting it on the nearby table.
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s difficult to explain. You have shown me such respect and care, but I’m not ready to live this life.” I held my hand out. “You once said yourself that this role could change people, and I’ve found . . . I’ve . . .”
Jameson’s demeanor changed, and he came over, taking me by the shoulders. “Hollis, my love. Yes, I wanted to announce our engagement tonight, but that doesn’t mean we have to rush into a wedding. You can take your time, adjust. That won’t change my feelings for you.”
I swallowed. “But . . . but what if my feelings . . .”
His face grew darker. His mouth hung slightly open, and I watched as he menacingly pushed his tongue against the back of his teeth, looking me over.
“Have you been lying to me, Hollis?”
“No. I did love you.”
“Did? And now?”
“And now . . . I don’t know. I’m so sorry, I just don’t know.”
He turned, walking in a circle as he rubbed his hand against his chin. “I signed a treaty with you in mind. I’ve sent off drawings for your coin. As we speak, our initials are being embroidered on tapestries to be hung across the castle. And you would leave me?”
“Jameson, please. I don’t want to hurt or offend you, but—”
He held up a hand to silence me. “So what do you propose?”
“I need to leave the castle. If I have shamed you, then you may make up any story you please about me. I will bear it without complaint.”
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that. I’ve fought too hard to preserve your name to tear it down with my own hands.” After a moment of quiet thought, he looked up at me, his face decidedly softer. “If you must take your leave of the castle, then do so. I have no fear. You will come back to me, Hollis. I know, without a single doubt, that you will be mine. In the end.”
He didn’t know that Silas was waiting with a horse. He didn’t know that I’d be married as soon as I could arrange it. He had no idea I wanted to distance myself from him and the crown for the rest of my life.
And now was not the time to correct him.
“I will always be your faithful servant,” I said, sinking into a deep curtsy.
“Oh, I know you will.” When I rose, he nodded toward the door, and I took my leave without hesitation.
In the Great Room, the festivities were in full swing, with roaring laughter and jovial conversations marking the night. I pulled up my skirts, moving as quickly as I could. When a tray passed with cups of ale, I took one and downed it in a gulp.
“There you are!” Delia Grace ran up to me, grabbing me as I was trying to move. “Did he do it? Do you have a ring?”
“Now’s your chance,” I told her.
She dropped my arm. “What?”
“Now’s your chance. You can do it, with or without me,” I assured her as I rushed from the room.
Out among the carriages, Silas was waiting with two dark horses and a furrowed brow. He’d managed to gather a few things quickly and put them in bags across the horses.
“I hope you’re ready to go,” I told him. “I don’t want to wait and see if he changes his mind.”
“Wait, you told the king?” he asked in shock.
“I told him . . . something. I can explain along the way. Let’s go.”
“Let me help,” Silas offered, hoisting me up on my horse. Grabbing a torch and reins of his own, we set off.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You’re going to laugh when we get there,” he promised.
He took off and I followed suit, already laughing with excitement, lacing through the streets of town, rushing past people as their celebrations poured out of the taverns and into the walkways. Every moment I placed between the palace and myself, I found that my breaths came easier, that my smile grew bigger. I knew what I wanted, and he was within my grasp. I would follow Silas Eastoffe into oblivion.
A minute down the road, my flower crown flew off behind me and landed somewhere in the dark.
Twenty-Seven
Dearest Valentina,
Before you read another word, please make sure you are sitting. I have no time for codes or intrigues, and I wouldn’t want to startle you or the precious baby you are soon to bring into the world.
I have left the castle.
When you trusted me with information that could have ruined your very existence, I ought to have told you I had my own dangers unfolding in the wings.
It’s quite possible that I have loved Silas Eastoffe since the moment I laid eyes upon him. I didn’t know it at the time, but this morning, I find myself at his family’s new manor in Dahere County, waiting for the rest of the Eastoffes to arrive. Seeing as we left by night on horseback without informing a single member of the court—not even my parents—and the rest of the Eastoffes left calmly on their own, their journey is taking slightly longer than ours.
The manor here is in need of attention, but it has several outbuildings for Silas and Sullivan to continue their work in, and they even have a beautiful garden. It is in disrepair, but I’m sure Lady Eastoffe won’t mind me helping tend to it. She is, after all, soon to be my mother-in-law. Yes, that’s right! Silas and I plan to marry as soon as possible, which will be within a few weeks if we can manage it. My next letter will be to my parents to inform them that I am at Abicrest Manor, which happens to be a short ride from my family’s own lands. Once my parents are here, I intend to make myself an Eastoffe before Jameson can decide he’d like to attempt to woo me back. When I left, he made it clear he would try, and I didn’t want to disappoint him. I feel confident that he will find a suitable replacement quickly. I’d wager money on it.