Reason to Breathe (Breathing 1)

“Okay.” He shrugged.

“But you still look great,” he whispered leaning in so that his breath tickled my ear. He lingered for a second. I knew all I had to do was turn my head, and he would be right there. I took an even breath, allowing it to swirl in my head before slowly turning to meet him.

“Does that sound good to you?” Sara turned toward us. I quickly faced her, and Evan sat back against his seat. She shot me an accusing look.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked. Evan gave my hand a tight squeeze in frustration.

“For dinner,” she emphasized, “is Italian okay?”

“Sure,” Evan agreed.

We pulled up to the theater and Sara practically pulled me out of the car, putting her arm through mine while forcing us to walk together toward the entrance. The guys followed.

“Em, you are in so much trouble,” she whispered. I could only grin in recognition of the truth.

When the guys found out Sara was taking care of the tickets, they insisted on paying for dinner – as Sara had predicted. After getting our drinks and popcorn, we made our way into the crowded theatre to see the newly released action movie.

I could tell Sara was angling to sit in-between me and Evan, but I slipped in behind him before she could enter the row – so Sara sat next to me and Jared was next to Evan. Evan easily found my hand again once the lights dimmed. I don’t know if I could’ve recalled a single scene from the overly explosive flick. Not with Evan slowly brushing his finger tips along the inside of my hand, tracing delicate circles that made my entire body tingle.

Every so often Sara tried to distract me and pull me toward her with a comment about the action star and an unrealistic leap, or that he should have been dead within the first five minutes of the movie. When I leaned in to rest my head on Evan’s shoulder, she finally gave up, shaking her head in frustration. I couldn’t concentrate on anything except for his breath next to my ear and his cheek against the top of my head as he casually breathed me in. The star could’ve died in the first five minutes - I would have had no idea.

When we stood up to leave, my legs were weak and my head was spinning. Evan kept his hand on my waist, holding me next to him while we made our way up the crowded aisle. I placed my hand over his, securing him to me. As soon as we were in the main hall, Sara caught my arm.

“We’ll be right back,” she announced, pulling me away from Evan’s wrap and toward the bathroom.

As soon as we entered, Sara whipped around to face me, demanding, “What are you doing?” She didn’t pause to let me answer. “If you tell me one more time that you’re just friends, I’m going to kill you. Do you want this? Because all you have to do is tell me and I’ll leave you alone. But you were the one who convinced me this couldn’t happen, and now look at you – you can barely see straight.

“Just think about it clearly for one minute and let me know if you want more from Evan than just a friendship. Forget about what you’re feeling – think about it. Think about Carol.”

I shuddered at the mention of her name.

I stood there for a minute, taking in her passionate expression and was overwhelmed with the situation. I couldn’t think. My body was so mesmerized by the trance of his touch that my mind wasn’t working. I couldn’t answer her.

“I don’t know what to do,” I confessed quietly, “but don’t worry about me Sara; it will be okay. I promise.”

“You know you can’t promise that.”

I shrugged.

“Do you want me to interfere, so you can decide what to do?”

“Maybe,” I agreed. I recognized her logic, but the swirling in my head was not allowing the rational thought to penetrate. “But don’t be so invasive, okay? You and I can sit in the backseat together, but let me sit next to him in the restaurant, alright?”

“I can do that.”

The guys were waiting for us patiently. I took Evan’s hand and walked to the parking lot.

“I’m going to sit in back with Sara, okay?” I whispered as we neared the car.

“Sure,” he said pausing to look at me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I smiled back, putting him at ease. “It’s a girl thing.” He raised his eyebrows and nodded to indicate that he understood. I wished I did.

After a talkative dinner, we headed back to Sara’s, still in the agreed upon seating arrangement. I was intoxicated by him as I gazed at the back of his neatly trimmed hairline and the linear muscles that ran down his neck to his back. I wasn’t fighting against the pull of him anymore, and it felt so invigorating. I didn’t want to pretend I didn’t feel my pulse quicken every time I was near him. I wanted to feel it – I deserved that much, right?

“Sara, would you be okay with Jared if Evan and I watched a movie in your room?” I whispered in her ear. Her mouth dropped open, and for the first time, Sara was speechless.

“Are you sure?” she asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I smiled, the glow radiating from my cheeks.

She smiled back and whispered, “Okay.” Then quickly added, “I want details.” I laughed and Evan turned to find out what was so funny.

I looked at him and smiled, biting my lower lip. “Nothing,” I assured him. Then I heard Sara gasp.

My eyes followed hers, looking past Evan, and froze, seeing exactly what had caused her to breathe in so sharply.

“Oh no, Sara… it’s her.” In that one breath, the ledge disintegrated from under my feet.

22. Revealed

“Get down,” Sara instructed fervently, pulling me onto the seat.

“What’s wrong?” Evan inspected our sunken silhouettes with concern.

“Evan, turn around,” Sara demanded. He recognized the terror on my face and did.

Still facing forward, he asked, “What is going on?”

Before she could redirect him, Jared pulled into her driveway. Sara unfastened our seatbelts so we could slide to the floor behind the front seats.

“Shit,” she whispered and pulled out her phone. “Jared, shut off the car. Hi mom. Listen, Jared – please listen to this Jared – is going to come to the front door and you’re going to answer. He’s going to look like he’s asking if we’re home, and you’re going to shake your head and look like you’re telling him we’ve already gone to bed.

“Jared, please go.”

Jared, definitely perplexed by the situation, obeyed as directed.

Anna said something to Sara. I clutched my knees, staring at her as my body shook and my stomach turned.

“Mom, I promise I’ll explain when I get home. Keep the back door unlocked. Bye.”

She hung up the phone and watched the exchange at the door from between the seats. From my position on the floor behind the passenger seat, I was unable to see what happened, but it was brief. Jared was back in the car within a minute, awaiting further instructions.

“Pull out of the driveway and drive back to the main road at the end of my street,” Sara guided him. “Take a right on the road, and then the first road on the right. Jared, let me know if that Jeep follows you.”

After a stomach wrenching eternity, he said, “No, it’s still parked across from your house.”

Sara let out a sigh for the both of us. I couldn’t tell if I was actually breathing.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Evan demanded, growing more frustrated.

I couldn’t bring myself to talk. I could only stare at Sara and shake my head.

“Who’s in the Jeep?” Evan inquired.

“My aunt,” I whispered, finding my voice. The admission of her presence made me feel faint. What was she doing here?

“Are we on the other street yet?” Sara asked.

“Yeah,” Jared answered.

Sara sat back up on the seat, but I couldn’t bring myself to move.

“It’ll be okay,” Sara consoled, pulling me up by my hands and urging me to sit on the seat. I slid onto the leather and sat with my head in my shaking hands. “There’s no way she saw us. We noticed her from the top of the hill, before she could see in the car.”

Evan turned around. “Are you not supposed to be out?”

“I’m never supposed to be out,” I quivered. I couldn’t look at him. I leaned against the window and nervously pulled at my lower lip with my fingers.

“Stop at the blue house that’s still under construction.” Sara leaned over the seat to point it out to Jared. “Do you have a flashlight that I can borrow?”

“Sure, it’s in the trunk.”

They got out of the car, leaving Evan and I alone.

“What’s going to happen?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, shaking my head.

“You’re going to be okay, right?” he asked, the concern resounding in his voice.

Before I could answer, Sara opened my door and pulled me out by my hand. Evan opened his door to follow. I fought to find my feet beneath me, and leaned into Sara for support.

“Sara, what’s going to happen?” Evan questioned.

“We have to go. I’ll talk to you later,” Sara blurted over her shoulder, escorting me along the dirt path that would eventually be a driveway, heading towards the construction site.

“Emma,” Evan yelled. But I didn’t turn around. I allowed Sara to hurry me along into the darkness.

I didn’t remember our trek through the woods from the back of the unfinished property, to Sara’s expansive backyard. Fear had a way of making time disappear, and the images came in flashes. I remembered walking through the downstairs door, the sight of Anna’s concerned face, and Sara laying me in the bed. I couldn’t close my eyes, and stared blankly at the dark sky through her skylights.

My head spun rapidly, trying to figure out how she knew. Had she followed us all night? Eventually, the fear subsided into a manageable place. I sensed Sara sitting next to me, watching me nervously.

“Did she leave?” I whispered.

“Right before we came into the house, my mom said.”

“Do you think she knows?”

“I can’t see how. My mom said that she called around seven and asked to speak with you. She told Carol we went to get something to eat and asked if you should call her when you got back. Carol said no. My mom doesn’t remember when the car showed up across the street, but noticed it about fifteen minutes before I called her.”

“What does your mom think?”

“She knows, Em. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows how impossible they are. She would never say anything, I swear.”

I believed her.

“Does he know?”

“He’s called a couple of times. All he knows is that you’re really freaked. I wouldn’t tell him why, and he got angry with me. He wanted to come back over, but I told him he couldn’t, so he asked to come by in the morning. I convinced him that there wasn’t enough time since I had to get you home by eight.

“She won’t do anything will she?” For the first time since we saw Carol’s car, Sara sounded scared.