What If

“I can do that,” she says confidently.

I never doubted it.

Cal would be an awful distraction.

He’d choke on his own tongue before he could find an excuse to keep her out.

Rae can talk her way out of anything.

I’m not worried.

I walk behind the counter like I belong in the office.

Ms.

Kelly is busy announcing the buses, and everyone else is out in the parking lot, making sure no one gets run over.

Ms.

Kelly looks at me.

“I forgot my purse in Mrs.

Wilson’s office,” I tell her.

She nods and goes back to her announcements.

Within minutes, I have the program open—it helps that she never closed out of it.

Nicole’s ID is typed in, and the eighty-nine has become a ninety-one.

Save.

Print.

And out the door.

“Have a nice day, Ms.

Kelly,” I say to her with Nicole’s pristine, straight-A report card hidden under my jacket.

Ms.

Kelly doesn’t even notice me leave.

“Did you do it?” Rae demands as soon as I step into the hall.

“Of course I did,” I gloat, heading back to Nicole’s locker, where she and Cal are waiting.

I smile and hand her the corrected report card.

She throws her arms around me, and I stumble back.

“You’re not allowed to cry,” I say into her hair, feeling her whole body shake.

“You can’t let him make you cry.” She lets go.

She still looks like she’s about to fall apart into a thousand pieces.

I take her hand.

“I have an idea.” I start down the hall, but Cal and Rae stay behind.

I turn back.

“You guys coming?”

“Sure,” Rae answers for them both, and they follow us.

We walk down the hall and out the door at the back of the school.

There’s no one around.

I lead us to the edge of the field, still holding on to Nicole’s shaking hand.

“I think… we should scream.”

“What?” Nicole asks, completely confused.

I know it sounds crazy.

“You’re still superstressed, and you need to get it out before you collapse,” I explain.

“So scream.

Ready?” They’re all looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

And maybe I have.

But if I had to live in Nicole’s house, with her father expecting perfection at all times, I would go insane.

I don’t know how she hasn’t lost it yet.

I take in a deep breath and close my eyes, and I scream.

I scream for her and everything she has to put up with that I can’t do anything about.

And then… she’s screaming with me.

The next thing I know, the four of us are screaming, the sound echoing across the field.

And it’s so… freeing.

Then Rae starts laughing, and soon we all are, because we do look like lunatics.

“We missed the bus,” Rae says as we walk around the side of the school.

“That’s okay,” I tell her.

“We don’t live that far.

Besides, Nicole likes to walk.”

Chapter Thirteen

“Shit, if it was going to be that easy, we should have asked her why she was at Crenshaw from the beginning,” Rae says on the other end the phone.

“Now ask her why she’s pretending to be Nyelle.”

“She was drunk when she told me about Crenshaw.

And it’s not like she admitted to anything that’ll help us.”

“Yeah, like why the hell Crenshaw would be on her list.

Cal, this has to do with you, don’t you think? The coincidence is too weird.

No one else we know goes there.” I’ve thought about that too, but I can’t quite bring myself to believe that she’s here because of me.

Especially considering how much she avoids me.

“I can’t believe you convinced her to stay with you over break.” Then she gasps.

“Omigod, you’re going to have sex with her.”

“No.

Uh, not… no,” I fumble.

“You were going to say ‘not yet’ weren’t you?” Rae accuses.

“Cal, you can’t screw this up by sleeping with her.

She’s already unstable.

Don’t make it any more complicated.”

“How’s the demo coming?” I ask, redirecting the conversation.

Rae grumbles under her breath.

“I think the band’s breaking up.” Her tone is flat and depressed.

“But you haven’t even played a show yet.”

“I know,” she says in short, angry bursts.

“Girls are… complicated.

And dramatic.

And exhausting.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But I did meet someone, and she’s pretty awesome.” Suddenly there’s way more excitement in her voice, and I’m not sure how to react to it.

Rae’s almost never excited, except when she gets a new instrument.

“Uh… that’s… great.”

“Dude, we don’t have to talk about it.

I know how much you suck at relationships, so it’s all good.

I have Maura to talk to.”

“My mother?”

“Yeah.

She gives great dating advice.

You should talk to her.

Maybe you’ll date a girl longer than the length of a movie.” Then she starts laughing.

Again.

I already hung up on her once when she couldn’t stop laughing after hearing about my date with Jade.

“Rae,” I warn her.

“Wait.

Don’t hang up,” she says, trying to regain her composure.

“Where’s Nyelle now anyway?”

“Getting hot chocolate and coffee.”

“And why aren’t you with her?”

“Because I’m supposed to be studying.”

“Did you make her walk?”

“She’s using my truck.”

“Your truck?! Seriously? You let her drive your truck?” Rae exclaims in shock.

“She does it without my permission anyway.

I figured, why not?” I’d probably let Nyelle get away with anything she wants.

I have a hard time telling her no.

Like Nyelle said, it’s one of my issues.

My phone beeps.

I pull it away from my ear.

“Rae, my mother’s on the other line.

Please don’t tell me you’re sitting across from her at the kitchen table and she overheard this entire conversation.” It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened.

“No.

I didn’t tell her about Nyelle, I swear.

But you should ask her about the repercussions of getting involved with a potentially psychotic girl,” she says.

“Going now,” I say, clicking over.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hey.

Were you on the other line? Do you need to call me back?”

“No.

It was Rae.

We were done.”

“Oh.

Okay.

Did she tell you about Jackie?” she asks excitedly.

“I… uh… not… yeah.” My mother laughs.

“She’s cute.

You’ll like her.

Anyway, I got a notification that you changed your flights.

What’s that all about?” I clench my teeth.

I forgot the account was attached to her name even though I paid for the changes.

“Sorry.

I was going to tell you about that.”

“Tell me? And why would you need to tell your mother that you’re not spending the holidays with your family?” I know she’s giving me shit, but I also hear the note of disappointment in her voice.

“Mom, I’ll be there for Christmas,” I assure her.

“Remember that friend I was telling you about?”

“The girl?” She says it as an accusation.

“Yeah, her.

Well, she’s transferring next semester, and I want to spend some time with her before she leaves.” This conversation is killing me.

I know my mother can sense I’m holding out.

She’s way too smart to not see through my evasiveness.

I just hope she doesn’t ask too many questions.

I really don’t want to lie to her… too much.

There’s silence on the other end of the phone.

“Cal.”

“Yeah?” Silence again.

I run my fingers through my… much shorter hair.

Still getting used to it.

“Am I going to meet her? This girl?”

“Probably not,” I answer honestly.

She sighs.

I clench my eyes shut, feeling like I’m betraying her or something.

“How’s Dad?” I ask, using her silence to change topics.

“He’s working on my office above the garage… again.

Oh! I almost forgot,” she says suddenly.

“It’s actually the reason I’m calling, other than to tell you how heartbroken you’ve made me.

But I suppose I’ll have to get over it.”

“What is it?” I ask.

She knows how to lay on the guilt, and it’s working.

“The strangest thing happened the other day.

Vera Bentley stopped by to drop off flowers from her garden, which is very bizarre since she never really speaks to me anymore.

But anyway, she asked about you and how you liked Crenshaw.

Then she asked if you still spoke to Nicole.

You don’t, do you?”

“Cal, I got—” I turn as Nyelle appears in the doorway of my bedroom.

She doesn’t continue when she sees I’m on the phone… silently hyperventilating.

“Uh, no, Mom.

I haven’t spoken to her in years.” I’m staring at the lie I’m telling.

Nyelle’s eyes flinch ever so slightly.

Otherwise, she hasn’t moved a muscle.

I think my heart’s about to pound out of my chest.

“That’s what I thought.

Did I just hear a girl? Ooh.

Is it the girl? Let me talk to her.

If I’m not ever going to meet her, then I should at least be able to hear the voice of the girl who is keeping my son away from his mother.”

“Not going to happen,” I tell her.

“I should go.

It’s rude.

See? You taught me something.”

“Very funny,” my mother whips back.

“I love you.

Tell this girl your mother says hello.

And I’ll see you in two weeks instead of on Friday like I’m supposed to.

Just saying that out loud breaks my heart.”

“Love you too, Mom.

Bye.”

“Bye, Cal.” I hang up the phone.

“For you,” Nyelle says calmly, handing me a cup.

“Your mother?”

“She says hi,” I say without thinking.

Then I want to shoot myself in the head when her eyes widen.

“You told her about me?”

“No,” I say quickly.

Nyelle’s eyes narrow.

“I mean, she knows you exist.

But she doesn’t know… Fuck.” Nyelle closes her eyes and shakes her head with a laugh.

“I forgot about your whole meeting-the-parents phobia.

I’m not offended that you didn’t tell your mother about me.

I mean, we’re not… dating… or anything, really.” I nod, needing to swallow all words before I make a bigger jackass of myself.

“I should go,” she says.

And now I’m panicked, afraid I just screwed this up and freaked her out.

“You don’t have to.”