Deceiving Lies (Forgiving Lies 2)

Whoa, what? “The issue of having kids? I thought you wanted kids.”

“I don’t know, Kash . . . I just—I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Rach—”

She pushed off me and had gone two feet before she turned and pointed a finger at me. “If you want kids so damn bad, figure out how to have them yourself!”

What the hell? When did she go from wanting kids eventually to not wanting to talk about it at all?

“Rachel,” I called after her when she turned to leave again. “Come here and just talk to me.”

She kept going. Slipping into her sandals, she grabbed her purse and headed toward the front door. I scrambled up and ran over to her, grabbing her arm just as she’d reached out for the doorknob.

“Are you kidding me? What the hell is going on? Why are you throwing shields at me, and how did that conversation just turn into you being upset and leaving?”

She kept her head down and refused to look at me. “I just want to go for a drive. Let me go.”

If I let her go now, we would go back ten steps . . . and I wasn’t willing to go back to how we’d been. Rachel keeping things from me. Shielding me from her emotions. Pushing everyone—including me—away. Hell no. Never again. “No. First off, you don’t leave when you’re upset or if we’re in the middle of a fight. You talk to me. Second, I told you a long time ago we were done with your shields, and we’re not about to start up with them again. So sit down and tell me what’s going on with you all of a sudden.”

“Kash, just let me go clear my—”

She hadn’t acted like this, or shielded me, for almost a year. To be honest, it was freaking me the fuck out that she was starting it again. Knowing she would keep this up until I dropped it or she eventually left, I did the only thing I knew in order to get her to listen. “I said sit the fuck down, Rachel!”

I hated yelling at her, but there was something about me taking control of the situation, and being an asshole, that always got Rachel to break down her walls and start talking. Not waiting for her to move, I grabbed her purse and dropped it on the floor, bent so my shoulder was against her stomach, and stood back up with her hanging over me.

“Why are you such an ass?” she grunted when I turned back toward the living room. “All I want is to be alone right now!”

“Ah, my little Sour Patch. We’re going to have to work on that if you want to get married. Because after we are, you can’t just walk out on a fight.”

“I didn’t know we were fighting,” she grumbled.

“We weren’t until you started PMS-ing on me.”

“I am not PMS-ing! Put me down!”

“Gladly.” I let her slide down and pushed her so she was lying down on the couch and crawled on top of her, caging her in. “Talk.”

Her blue eyes were on fire as they narrowed at me, and I watched as her jaw locked while she took deep breaths in through her nose. My girl was about to explode, and as much as I loved her when she was pissed off, I needed to know what had just happened.

“Drop the attitude, Sour Patch, and talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I want a couple hours to myself, we can talk after.”

“Too bad. You have me with you right now, and I’m not going anywhere. Why do you suddenly not want to have kids? I understand wanting to wait until after we are married, but you kept making it longer and longer until you tell me you don’t know if you want kids. When did this change?”

“I don’t know, okay? I. Don’t. Know. You see me with little kids and your mind instantly goes to us having kids. You know where mine went? Exactly where it’s been going the last couple months. The fact that I won’t have my mom there with me when I go through pregnancies, and having babies, and taking care of toddlers, and dealing with teenagers with bad attitudes! I don’t have her here to plan our wedding, she wasn’t there when I bought my dress, she won’t be there for anything, Kash, do you understand that?” Her temper flared out quickly and tears filled her eyes. “I’ve already been having a hard time with that, but today as I sat there and listened to Ava ask your aunts and mom dozens of questions, I realized I’m terrified of not having my mom there to call and ask questions when we have kids. What if I do it all wrong?”

“Babe,” I crooned and moved my hands to brush my thumbs across her cheeks. “You’re going to be a great mom whenever we have kids, you won’t do it wrong, and you’ll have my mom there if you have questions.”

“I know, and I’ll have Janet. But it won’t be the same.” Her eyes fluttered shut when a few tears dropped down her face and into her hair. “They were supposed to be here for everything.”

“I’m so sorry, Rachel.” Squeezing myself between her and the back of the couch, I turned her and pulled her against my chest. I hadn’t known what to expect just then, but I had no idea she’d been struggling with not having her parents here for all of this, and felt like a jackass for not knowing. I should have known. “I’m sorry they aren’t here, but you have a lot of people who love you and are here for you. They won’t make up for your parents, I know that, and so do they. But they’re here for you, and I’m always here for you.”

She nodded against my chest and took a shuddering breath in.

“And you never leave when you’re upset. Okay? We always talk things out.”

“ ’Kay.”