“Blackbird,” Lucas mumbled, his voice thick from sleep.
I lifted my head to look at him, but his eyes were still closed.
“You’re tensing.” Two words, but his unspoken question lingered in the air.
“Thinking about things,” I admitted and hoped he didn’t make me clarify.
A noise sounded deep in his chest, like he was acknowledging my words, and his arm tightened around me. “Like?”
My chest deflated. I swallowed thickly as I tried to think of what to say. “Last night . . .”
The corners of his mouth twitched up.
“Kyle.”
His eyes flew open, and his expression fell. “Don’t,” he said in a low warning. “Don’t say his name when I’m holding you in bed, Briar.”
Before? I would have argued and screamed at him about ripping me away from my life.
Now? I didn’t know what to say when I had never been so confused in my entire life.
I both wanted last night to never have happened, and I wanted to repeat it. I wanted to fall into Kyle’s arms, sobbing as I begged him to forgive me, and I wanted to beg Lucas to stay Lucas, and stay far from the devil I knew he could so easily become. I wanted to cry for the life I had been taken from and missed, and I wanted to beg to feel just one more kiss from the man next to me.
“I’m sorry,” I found myself whispering, but I wasn’t sure if I was apologizing for saying Kyle’s name or for the thoughts rushing through my mind.
Lucas released me and rolled onto his back. The hand that wasn’t pinned underneath me ran over his face again and again as he took steadying breaths, and finally flopped onto his toned stomach, the tips of his fingers barely grazing the muscles low on his abdomen that made me think of things I hated myself for.
I tore my eyes from his body and glanced at his closed-off expression before sitting up and scooting away from him. I froze when he gently grasped my arm.
“Where are you going?”
“The bathroom.” I hoped he couldn’t hear the waver in my words. I needed to get away from him. I needed to be alone to deal with the onslaught of emotions pouring through me.
As soon as he released me, I began moving away again.
I got as far as the end of the bed before strong fingers wrapped around my wrist, and I was hauled back. I hadn’t even settled against Lucas’s warm, firm chest before his mouth was on mine, and his other hand was cradling my neck, guiding the kiss that felt like a bittersweet goodbye. A goodbye I wasn’t convinced I wanted.
When it ended, his dark eyes searched mine, and I knew he could see everything I’d tried to keep from him. He reluctantly released me, and nodded toward the bathroom. “Now you can go.”
Chapter 21
Day 25 with Blackbird
Lucas
I had breakfast waiting in the sitting area of the main room and was pacing impatiently by the time Briar walked back into her bedroom after taking a shower.
She didn’t notice me at first, completely lost in her own world as she sang softly to herself while tying a denim button-down shirt together at her waist.
Her dark hair was piled messily on top of her head—the first time I had seen it up—and something about it changed her features in an intriguing way. But I would always prefer her hair down. It made it easier to grab, and God knew I liked the way she moaned when I did.
My gaze traveled down, my blood heating as I took her in.
Briar was adorable, alluring, and sexy all at once. I doubted many girls could achieve that.
She looked like a ballerina in the full skirt that sat high on her waist and fell to her knees.
Pure. Innocent. Untouchable.