I felt horrible for giving him the smallest taste before backing away, but my head had still been spinning from the teasing kisses and touches that had made the night such a sweet torture, and it had taken too long to realize I was afraid of what he could do to my heart if I gave him more of myself. If I gave in to him simply because my body ached for his touch.
Because the last month and those teases had promised everything I craved from him, but I knew he could easily turn into the man who just took, and I would be powerless to stop him. And after a night where he witnessed thirteen obedient women, I was afraid it would push him in that direction.
“Bri—”
“I just need a second,” I whispered quickly.
I looked back into the car when the privacy window rolled down and then slowly over to Lucas when he said, “Stop the car.”
“Lucas, I’m sorry.”
His mouth lifted in a faint smile, but quickly fell. “You need some air?”
I hesitated before nodding.
Long seconds passed before he said to the driver, “Wait here. We’ll be back.”
I stared at Lucas blankly when he got out of the car and held a hand out to me. “What are you doing?”
He leaned back into the car to gently grasp my wrist and pull me out. “We are going to walk around the city for a little while.”
Surprise made my eyes widen and mouth pop open, and I stumbled to keep up with him as we crossed the street. “We’re what? You’re not mad at me?”
His next laugh was low and throaty and laced with exasperation. “I’m frustrated, Blackbird, but it can be taken care of by myself when we get home.” His eyes darted over my face when I flushed with embarrassment, and he pulled me into his arms to kiss my forehead. “But, no, I’m not mad at you. You needed air, and I needed out of that car before my training took over and I forced you onto your back, so we’re walking.”
I stared at our feet for a second when his lips lingered on my skin and asked awkwardly, “Is this allowed?”
When he pulled away from me, that same sad smile from the car briefly crossed his face. “No. Letting you walk around outside, especially in the city, is incredibly dangerous.”
“Because you don’t trust me.” It was a statement, not a question. If he trusted me, I would be allowed on the main level of the house.
He faltered then shook his head. “I don’t trust you not to run.”
I didn’t blame him. This was something I had longed for in the beginning—to gain his trust enough to be allowed outside. Even though he was with me, there were still so many things I could do.
Lucas leaned forward—his chest pressed close to mine, and his lips brushed against my ear when he asked, “You think I don’t trust you, Blackbird? Look around. Look at all the people.”
I didn’t move from him as I let my eyes touch on the couples and groups of people near us. It wasn’t too late, and this part of the city was filled with people. I could easily slip away from him or scream for help, and someone would actually be able to hear me
. . .
“You want to know where you are?” he asked, his tempting voice edging on a whisper. “You’re standing in downtown Houston.”
Houston . . . Texas.
Oh my God.
I stumbled back a step to look around at the buildings and restaurants.
Knowing where I was made me feel steady for the first time in so long. Made me think it would be possible to get back to Atlanta and Kyle, like I had dreamed of doing so many times . . .
But that thought was fleeting.
Because those dreams were from before everything had changed—before I truly knew Lucas. That was before I’d understood that, despite how much I loved Kyle, it wasn’t a fraction of what I was capable of feeling for someone.
Going back to Kyle, no matter how much I ached to see him, meant losing Lucas. And though it was ridiculous because it had only been a couple months, the thought of a life without Lucas made that ache of not being with Kyle seem like nothing. Like a paper cut compared to losing a limb. Or half of your soul.
“I told you earlier . . .” I trailed off, and finally looked into his worried eyes. “I wouldn’t get far without you.”