Capturing Peace (Sharing You 0.50)

There was nothing silent about his next laugh. Blake tightened his arms around me and I leaned into him more. I’d like to say it was purely because my biggest fear was flying out around me, but I’d be lying if I said his musky cologne, strong arms, and chest had nothing to do with it either. This was something I’d wanted for years, and I almost couldn’t believe that I was finally there, in his arms.

I continued to watch in utter horror and slight fascination as the stream of bats, which seemed to never end, continued to leave the shelter of the bridge and fly out into the slowly darkening sky.

Minutes later, Blake leaned in and put his lips up against my ear. “Was that really so bad?”

Forcing my hand from my mouth, I exhaled shakily and shook my head. “Not as bad as I’d imagined. Doesn’t change the fact that they are ugly and easily the grossest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“But now you can say you’ve faced one of your fears.”

“The biggest.”

“See?” He let go of me and started walking again in the direction we’d come from. “You up for a drink?”

I realized I was still shaking so I nodded my head and followed him. “Just one though.”

We walked for well over half an hour while Blake tried to re-­create my shriek at seeing the bats and I accused him of doing that with every girl so he’d have an excuse to put his arms around her. The air between us was much more relaxed this time as he asked about my life after he’d joined the air force. I told him all about the end of middle school and high school but never once mentioned my parents. I wasn’t sure if he knew about them or not, but there was no point in bringing up that hurt. Besides, if he had known, he hadn’t even come back for the funeral. Just as we were passing the school, Blake slid his hand down my arm and intertwined our fingers.

“Rachel, why did you finally agree to go out with me?”

When I looked up, I was surprised at his somber expression. I would have expected something a little more taunting. “Do you want me to answer that honestly?”

“I’d appreciate it. I’ve asked you out for . . . shit. I don’t know, nine months now? No matter what I said, your answer was always no. Until last night.”

“Well . . .” I looked down at the sidewalk passing beneath our feet.

“You can tell me, it’s fine. You never were one to hide your feelings. And your hate for me lately has been a little more than apparent. I’m already expecting the worst.”

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t exactly like you . . . anymore.” I squinted up at him and nudged his side with the arm he still had a firm grip on.

He gave a little grunt with a forced smile.

“Um, Candice is always bugging me for turning you down. She said she would stop if I agreed to one date with you.” I know, I know, I could have made something up that wasn’t so harsh. But I didn’t. If I hadn’t looked back down, I probably would have missed the pause in his step.

“Figures.” We walked for a few more minutes before he paused and turned to me. “I’m not going to make you go out with me.”

“You aren’t. I said I’d go.”

He raised an eyebrow, making it disappear under his shaggy hair. “You also told me earlier today that we weren’t going anymore. I’m just letting you know I’ll stop. All of it. Asking you all the time, what I did today. And I’ll talk to Candice.”

“Blake—­”

“No, Rach, I should have stopped a long time ago. I’m sorry you felt pressured into it last night. I want you to want to go on a date with me. I don’t want you to go just so she’ll drop it or because you want me to quit asking. Which I will.” I couldn’t tell if he looked more embarrassed or hurt.

Is it ridiculous that I want to comfort him? “I want to go.”

“No, you don’t.”

Okay, still somewhat true. “I didn’t . . . before.” Ugh, who am I kidding. He knows I’m lying anyway. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. You can’t exactly blame me for not wanting to go out with you.” He looked as if I’d slapped him. I hurried on before I could chicken out on the rest. “I mean, come on, Blake, you were rumored to be screwing all these students, coworkers, and faculty. And not once did you try to shut down those rumors. Add to that, the Blake I grew up with is completely gone; now you’re usually kind of a douche. Why would I want to go out with someone like that?”

“Rumors are going to spread no matter what I do. The more I try to stop them, the guiltier I look. Trust me. As for you thinking I’m a douche . . .” His voice trailed off and he ran a hand through his hair. “Try seeing it from my side. The only girl I’ve wanted for years now and can’t get out of my head no matter what I do repeatedly blows me off like I’m nothing.”

Did he say years?

Letting go of my hand, he turned away from me and ran a hand agitatedly through his hair. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your dorm.”

“What about drinks?”

“I’m not going to make you do this, Rachel.”