"I didn't panic. "
"Clutched, let's say. Why is that?"
"It's not unusual for a woman of my age with two half-grown children to clutch, let's say, at the idea of another baby. "
"Uh-huh. You clutched again when I said I wanted to take the kids to my place tomorrow. "
"No, it's just that I'd already planned - "
"Don't bullshit me, Red. "
"Things are moving so fast and in a direction I hadn't planned to go. "
"If you're going to plan every damn thing, maybe I should draw you a frigging map. "
"I can draw my own map, and there's no point in being annoyed. You asked. " She stopped by a tower of madly climbing passionflower. "I thought things were supposed to move slow in the south. "
"You irritated me the first time I set eyes on you. "
"Thanks so much. "
"That should've given me a clue," he continued. "You were an itch between my shoulder blades. The one in that spot you can't reach and scratch away no matter how you contort yourself. I'd've been happy to move slow. Generally, I don't see the point in rushing through something. But you know, Stella, you can't schedule how you're going to fall in love. And I fell in love with you. "
"Logan. "
"I can see that put the fear of God in you. I figure there's one of two reasons for that. One, you don't have feelings for me, and you're afraid you'll hurt me. Or you've got plenty of feelings for me, and they scare you. "
He snapped off a passionflower with its white petals and long blue filaments, stuck it in the spiraling curls of her hair. A carelessly romantic gesture at odds with the frustration in his voice. "I'm going with number two, not only because it suits me better, but because I know what happens to both of us when I kiss you. "
"That's attraction. It's chemistry. "
"I know the frigging difference. " He took her shoulders, held her still. "So do you. Because we've both been here before. We've both been in love before, so we know the difference. "
"That may be right, that may be true. And it's part of why this is too much, too fast. " She curled her hands on his forearms, felt solid strength, solid will. "I knew Kevin a full year before things got serious, and another year before we started talking about the future. "
"I had about the same amount of time with Rae. And here we are, Stella. You through tragedy, me through circumstance. We both know there aren't any guarantees, no matter how long or how well you plan it out beforehand. "
"No, there aren't. But it's not just me now. I have more than myself to consider. "
"You come as a package deal. " He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, then stepped away. "I'm not dim, Stella. And I'm not above making friends with your boys to get you. But the fact is, I like them. I enjoy having them around. "
"I know that. " She gave his arms a squeeze, then eased back. "I know that," she repeated. "I can tell when someone's faking. It's not you. It's me. "
"That's the goddamnedest thing to say. "
"You're right, but it's also true. I know what it's like to be a child and have my mother swing from man to man. That's not what we're doing here," she said, lifting her hands palms out as fresh fury erupted on his face. "I know that, too. But the fact is, my life centers on those boys now. It has to. "
"And you don't think mine can? If you don't think I can be a father to them because they didn't come out of me, then it is you. "
"I think it takes time to - "
"You know how you get a strong, healthy plant like this to increase, to fill out strong?" He jerked a thumb toward the passionflower vine. "You can layer it, and you end up with new fruit and flower. By hybridizing it, it gets stronger, maybe you get yourself a new variety out of it. "
"Yes. But it takes time. "
"You have to start. I don't love those boys the way you do. But I can see how I could, if you gave me the chance. So I want the chance. I want to marry you. "
"Oh, God. I can't - we don't - " She had to press the heel of her hand on her heart and gulp in air. But she couldn't seem to suck it all the way into her lungs. "Marriage. Logan. I can't get my breath. "