of my hand, an old habit left over from the plague days. Ben was still sitting on the floor, head thrown back, staring at the ceiling. I started toward him, and he waved me back.
“Window,” he gasped. “Now we’re blind on one side. Thanks a lot, Teacup.”
“Why would she take off like—?”
“Ever since Dayton, she’s been latched on to Ringer like a pilot fish.”
“All I ever saw them do is fight.” Thinking of the chess brawl, the coin smacking Teacup in the head, and I hate your fucking guts!
Ben chuckled. “It’s a thin line.”
I glanced down at the parking lot. The asphalt shone like onyx. Latched on to her like a pilot fish. I thought of Evan lurking behind doors and around corners. I thought of the unblemished thing, the thing that lasts, and I thought the only thing with the power to save us also had the power to slay us.
“You really shouldn’t be on the floor like that,” I scolded him. “It’s warmer up on the bed.”
“A half of a half of a half of a degree, right. This is nothing, Sullivan. A head cold next to the plague.”
“You had the plague?”
“Oh, yeah. Refugee camp outside Wright-Patterson. After they took over the base, they hauled me in, pumped me full of antivirals, then put a rifle in my hand and told me to go kill some people. How about you?”
A crucifix clutched in a bloody hand. You can either finish me or help me. The soldier behind the beer coolers was the first. No. The first was the guy who shot Crisco in a pit of ashes. That’s two, and then there were the Silencers, the one I shot right before I found Sam and the one right before Evan found me. Four, then. Was I missing somebody? The bodies pile up and you lose track. Oh God, you lose track.
“I’ve killed people,” I said softly.
“I meant the plague.”
“No. My mom . . .”
“How about your dad?”
“Different kind of plague,” I said. He glanced over his shoulder at me. “Vosch. Vosch murdered him.”
I told him about Camp Ashpit. The Humvees and big flatbed full of troops. The surreal appearance of the school buses. Just the kids. Room only for the little ones. The gathering of the rest in the barracks and Dad sending me with my first victim to find Crisco. Then Dad in the dirt, Vosch towering over him, while I hid in the woods, and Dad mouthing Run.
“Weird that they didn’t put you on a bus,” Ben said. “If the point was to build an army of brainwashed kids.”
“I saw mostly little kids, Sam’s age, some even younger.”
“At camp, they separated anyone under five, kept them in the bunker . . .”
I nodded. “I found them.” In the safe room, their faces lifted up to mine as I hunted for Sam.
“Which makes you wonder: Why keep them?” Ben said. “Unless Vosch expects a very long war.” The way he said it, as if he doubted that that was the reason. He drummed his fingers on the mattress. “What the hell is going on with Teacup? They should be back by now.”
“I’ll go check,” I said.
“Like hell you will. This is turning into every horror movie ever made. You know? Getting picked off one by one. Uh-uh. Five more minutes.”
We fell silent, listening. But there was only the wind whispering in the poorly sealed window and the constant undercurrent of rats scratching in the walls. Teacup was obsessed with them. I listened to hours of her and Ringer plotting their demise. That annoying lecturing tone of Ringer’s, explaining how the population was out of control: The hotel had more rats than we had bullets.
“Rats,” Ben said, as if he read my mind. “Rats, rats, rats. Hundreds of rats. Thousands of rats. More rats than us now. Planet of the rats.” He laughed hoarsely. Maybe he was delirious. “You know what’s been bugging the hell out of me? Vosch telling us they’ve been watching us for centuries. Like, how is that possible? Oh, I get how it’s possible, but I don’t get why they didn’t attack us then. How many people were on Earth when we built the pyramids? Why would you wait until there’re seven billion of us spread out over every continent with technology a little more advanced than spears and clubs? You like a challenge? The time to exterminate the vermin in your new house isn’t after the vermin outnumber you. What about Evan? He say anything about that?”
I cleared my throat. “He said they were divided over whether to exterminate us.”
“Huh. So maybe they debated it for six thousand years. Dicked around because nobody could make up his mind, until someone said, ‘Oh, what the hell, let’s just off the bastards.’”
“I don’t know. I don’t have the answers.” I was feeling a little defensive. As if knowing Evan meant I should know everything.