Sometimes Never (Sometimes Never 1)

Guy strokes the ends of my hair and rests his head on top of mine. “I’m sorry,” he says and his voice is thick, scratchy.

Jenny moves to the other side of the bed and fills a cup with water. He sips it and clears his throat as if he wants to say more.

I shake my head. “It’s all right. You’re all right. That’s all that matters. Just…don’t do that again. Okay?”

His lips press together until they turn white and he nods slowly. His gaze lowers to my arm, to the dressing covering my wrist. “You too.” I swallow, returning his nod tightly. “No more,” he whispers against my temple. “Please, Hope. No more.”

“We’re going down to the cafeteria to get something to eat while you visit,” Alec says. He stretches and yawns loudly. “Don’t get crazy in here. He needs to rest.”

“We’ll try,” Guy jokes, but he sounds worn, tired. Mason takes Alec’s vacated seat and looks around.

“You know, if you wanted to lie in bed and be waited on hand and foot, I’m pretty sure there are easier ways. Maybe just play sick next time.”

Guy smirks. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So, what do you do here for fun?” I ask, trying to keep the light mood in the room. He hands me a weird looking contraption and it takes me a second to figure out it’s a remote then a few seconds more to figure out how to use it. We settle on an old episode of SpongeBob. Guy closes his eyes and his breathing turns deep with sleep. My eyes grow too heavy to fight and I finally give in, nestling closer to him with the reassurance that’s he’s going to be okay.

“My turn,” Chase announces loudly. I jump, disoriented. It takes me a moment to remember where I am through my grogginess.

“Uhh,” I moan.

Chase leans over the bed, his face inches from mine. “You had your turn sleepy head. Now it’s mine.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

I sit up, trying to not jostle a still sleeping Guy. I don’t know how Chase didn’t wake him up. Then I see Mason. His legs stretched out in front of him, hands folded over his stomach, chin resting on his chest. Asleep. And completely adorable.

“I tried to wait,” Chase says in a low voice. “She was pretty persistent.” I look around him to see Annie hovering by the door.

“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to stay so long. Where are Jenny and Alec?”

“They went home for a little bit to see the kids. Said they’d come back after you got home.”

I nod and maneuver my way off the bed. Guy stirs and I lean down, placing a kiss on his cheek. I have the strangest sensation in my chest. My heart is beating way to fast, making me feel like I’m scared, but I know I’m not. For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid at all. I’m relieved.

So I don’t understand where the tears burning my eyes come from, but I blink them back and smile at Guy’s worried expression. “What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing. I’m good.” I lick my lips and smile wider. “I’ve been kicked out, so I’m gonna go.” I hug him awkwardly. “I’m so glad you’re all right. Don’t ever do that to me again.”

He clasps his hand over my arm and tugs me closer. “I know. I swear.” He doesn’t need full sentences. I get it. I wake Mason up and he says his goodbyes in the sexiest, deep, just-woke-up voice.

I take his hand in the hallway and let myself enjoy the way his skin is warm against mine. Appreciate this small thing that means so much to me. I stop abruptly and he cocks a brow at me in quiet question.

“Kiss me,” I say.

With a wicked smile, he pulls me into an alcove and happily obliges. I want this. For the rest of my life. I want this. Happiness, and kisses, and Mason.

Chapter 39

Mason

Mom’s up before me when I wake up Sunday morning. That’s weird, but the fact she’s packing away her DVD collection into one of our mangled, taped up boxes is enough to stop me in my tracks.

“What are you doing?” I demand. My gut clenches. What the hell is going on?

“Packing,” she says in that tone that makes it clear I shouldn’t push, but I’m in full panic mode. There is no fucking way I am moving again. It’s my senior year and she swore she would let me finish in the same school. And now I have Hope. Kel has Misty.

She can’t pull this shit. Not now.

I stomp over to her and tip the box upside down, spilling the movies across the floor. She sits back on her heels, shocked. I grab a handful and shove them back onto the shelf. “No. You’re not. I’m not moving. Not this time.”

I reach for more and she takes hold of my hand. I jerk away. My head is hot and I’m pissed. I’m seconds away from putting my fist through something. The wall’s looking pretty damn good right now. Why is she doing this to me?

“I’ve been up all night thinking about this. We’re on a month to month lease. I can get the security deposit back—”

“No.”

“I found a couple places online—”

“No.” Another handful of chick flicks back on the shelf.

“You and Kellin can pick where we live—”

“No.”

“I was thinking we could go back to Illinois.”

That stops me cold. Home? She wants to go home? Why? Why now? I’ve begged to go back. I’ve threatened to go on my own. She’s always refused. “What?”

“There’s a two bedroom house, so you’d have to share a room, but it’s close to our old house. Kellin could go to your old school. Or there’s a three bedroom duplex. It’s bigger, but it’s not as nice of an area. Different school district.”

She starts placing the DVD’s back into the box. I’m just staring at her. I can feel my entire body shaking. My head and my heart are at war. And I can’t. I can’t do this.

“Why?” I choke out.

Mom lifts her gaze to meet mine and she sighs. “I knew she was lying,” she begins, shaking her head like she doesn’t want to do this with me, but knows she has no other option. “A big part of my job is reading people. I’m good at it. And I’m a mom, it’s ingrained.” She stands up and picks up the box, moving it to the shelf on the other side of the TV and starts on the CD’s.

“My first thought was that she was involved in the accident. Maybe she was the one driving drunk and you didn’t want to tell me…” She trails off and I’m fighting to catch up. She’s talking about Hope, I’m fairly certain, but I don’t know where she’s going with this.

“Then after I thought about it, I figured that would be too big of a secret to hide and that other boy was arrested. It seemed too unlikely he would be willing to go to jail for her.”

She finishes the CD’s and dusts her hands off on her jeans as she pivots to face me. “So then I thought maybe she tried to kill herself. Let’s be honest, the girl has been through a lot.” Mom shakes her head sadly. “You always want to save people. Just like your dad.”

My eyes burn and I close them so tightly I see white. “Mom…”

Clearing her throat, she continues. “I asked Kellin.”

My eyes pop open and I swallow hard. Don’t do this. Don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this.

“My twelve year old watched his big brother’s girlfriend purposely take a curling iron to her flesh and burn her arm.” Her voice drops and she looks sick. “He said he could smell it, Mason. I will not let my children be subjected to that.”

Fucking Kellin. Fucking big mouth Kellin. I might puke. I might actually puke right here on the carpet of our shitty, month to month leased house.

“You knew. Didn’t you?”

I don’t answer. I can’t.

It’s all clicking quickly, piecing itself together in my mind. That’s why Illinois. She knew I wouldn’t go. She knew I would choose Hope. So she’s tempting me with home. Using Dad and our memories to get me to do what she wants.

“I cannot believe you would take your brother over there around that.”

“Around that?” I ask, my voice rising.

“That girl is sick, Mace. She needs help. Kellin should never have seen something like that. Ever. I have done everything in my power to protect you kids. To shield you from things like this—”

I huff out a dry laugh. “Protect us? Shield us? How? By moving us every five minutes? Not letting us have friends? Stability? That’s such bullshit and you know it.”

“You have friends.”

“Now! Now I have friends. And you’re taking me away from them, Mom.”

“I’m doing what is best for you both. He’s too young to have to deal with something so big and scary.”

“He’s dealt with worse.” She knows I’m referring to Dad dying. To our father being beaten to death down the street from his home while we sat on the couch watching TV.

“I had no control over that. But I do over this. I can put a stop to this.”

“By moving him again?”

“Last time. I promise you. You can graduate from the same school as your dad.” Her voice hitches up an octave sounding hopeful.

That is all I ever wanted. And she knows it. It’s so low that she would dangle this in front of my face. I put my hands on the top of my head and try to breathe. Fuck. I’m going to cry.

“Kellin can grow up where Dad grew up. Go to the same schools. Visit the same places. You can pass on all the stories Dad told you.”

That’s how it should have been all along. Can I take that away from him?

“What do you say?” Mom moves toward me hesitantly. “You and Kel can check out the two places I found and choose where we live.” Her eyes are flicking over my face quickly.

“I love her.”

Her face doesn’t change. “I know you do.”

“I don’t want to leave her.” I am definitely going to be sick. I run to the bathroom and dry heave with my head in the toilet. Mom’s there, placing her hand on my back.

“Everyone leaves her,” I rasp, struggling to get the words out. “I can’t do that to her. I can’t be like everyone else. She needs me.”

Mom pulls my face up to look at her. “We need you. I need you. Kellin needs you. This is what you wanted. I’m giving it to you. And maybe Hope will get the help she needs. If you aren’t there making her think all she needs is you. Because you aren’t enough, Mace. She needs professional help. Please tell me you understand that.”

I do. I know I’m not enough. If I were, she wouldn’t keep hurting herself. But if I leave and she hurts herself again, or worse…

Fuck.

I dry heave again. When I can catch my breath I slam my fists down on the toilet seat. I shouldn’t be this torn. I should be stronger. I should be able to tell Mom no. I don’t need to go back to Illinois. I don’t need to go home. I need Hope.

So why the hell can’t I say it?

Why do I want this so bad?

My eyes fill and there’s nothing I can do as the tears slide down my cheeks and splash onto my shirt.

“It’s for the best,” Mom says. “I can talk to her foster parents. Make sure she gets the help she needs.”

“No. You can’t do that to her.”

“They need to know. You aren’t a parent, so you don’t understand. If it were you, I would want to know. I’d need to know. They can take care of her.”

No they can’t. That’s my job. I’m supposed to take care of her. I’m supposed to calm her when she freaks out. I’m the one that’s supposed to always be there. Hugging her. Kissing her. Protecting her. Loving her.