A Dirty Job (Grim Reaper 1)

"Sorry, it's been a while since I took a cab," Ray said. Ray had a car, a nice little Toyota, but the only parking place he could find was eight blocks away from his apartment in the parking lot of a hotel managed by a friend of his, and when you got a parking place in San Francisco, you kept it, so Ray mostly used public transportation and only drove the car on his days off to keep the battery charged. He'd jumped in a taxi outside Charlie's shop and shouted, "Follow that cab!" thus completely terrifying the Japanese family in the back.

"Sorry," Ray said. "Konichiwa. It's been a while since I took a cab. " Then he jumped back out and caught a cab that didn't have a fare.

He sneaked quickly up the street, going from light post, to newspaper machine, to ad kiosk, ducking behind each, staying in his stealth-crouch, and achieving nothing whatsoever except to look like a complete loon to the kid standing at the bus stop across the street. He reached the underground parking entrance of the Fontana just as Charlie was making for the door. Ray crouched behind the key-card pillar.

He wasn't sure what he was going to do if Charlie went for the building. Fortunately, he'd memorized Madison McKerny's phone number, and he could warn her that Charlie was coming. In the cab on the way down here he'd remembered where he'd seen her name: on the register at his health club. Madison McKerny was one of the midmorning fuck puppets from the gym, and as Ray suspected, Charlie was stalking her.

He watched Charlie fall in behind a young woman in business dress who was heading up the walk into the Fontana, then Charlie was gone. Just gone.

Ray came out onto the sidewalk to get a better angle. The woman was still there, she'd gone only a couple of steps, but he couldn't see Charlie. There were no bushes, no walls, the whole damn lobby was glass, where the hell had he gone? Ray was sure he hadn't looked away, he didn't even think he had blinked, and he would have seen any sudden move Charlie might have made.

Reverting to the Beta Male's tendency to blame himself, Ray wondered if maybe he'd had some kind of petit mal seizure that had made him black out for a second. Whether he did or not, he had to warn Madison McKerny. He reached to his belt and felt the empty cell-phone clip, then remembered putting his phone under the register when he'd gotten to work that morning.

Charlie found the right apartment and rang the bell. If he could get Madison McKerny to come out into the hallway, he could slip in behind her and look through her apartment for her soul vessel. Just down the hall there was a table with an artificial flower arrangement. He'd tipped it over, hoping she was compulsive or curious enough to come out of her apartment to get a closer look. If she wasn't home, well, he'd have to break in. Odds were that with a doorman downstairs, she didn't have an alarm system. But what if she could see him? Sometimes they could, the clients. Not often, but it happened, and -

She opened the door.

Charlie was stunned. She was stunning. Charlie stopped breathing and stared at her breasts.

It wasn't that she was a young and gorgeous brunette, with perfect hair and perfect skin. Nor was it that she was wearing a thin, white silk robe that just barely concealed her swimsuit-model figure. Nor was it because she had disproportionately large but alert breasts that were straining against the robe and peeking out of the plunging neckline as she leaned out the door, although that would have been enough to render the hapless Beta breathless under any circumstances. It was that her breasts were glowing red, right through the silk robe, glowing right out of the d??colletage like twin rising suns, pulsating like the lightbulb boobies of a kitschy Hawaiian hula girl lamp. Madison McKerny's soul was residing in her breast implants.

"I've got to get my hands on those," Charlie said, forgetting that he wasn't exactly alone and he wasn't exactly thinking to himself.

Then Madison McKerny noticed that Charlie was there and the screaming started.

Chapter 16

16

THE CALL OF BOOTY II: REQUIEM FOR A FUCK PUPPET

Ray threw the door open so hard that the little bell went flying off its holder and tinkled across the floor.

"Oh, jeez," Ray said. "You won't believe it. I can't believe it myself. "

Lily looked at Ray over her half-frame reading glasses and set down the French cookbook she'd been looking at. She didn't really need reading glasses, but looking over the top of them conveyed instant condescension and disdain, a look that she felt flattered her.

"I have something I need to tell you, too," Lily said.

"No," Ray said, looking around to make sure there were no customers in the store. "What I have to tell you is really important. "

"Okay," Lily said. "Mine's not that important to me. You go first. "

"Okay. " Ray took a deep breath and launched. "I think Charlie may be a serial killer with ninja powers. "

"Wow, that is good," Lily said. "Okay, my turn. A Miss Me-So-Horny called for you. She wanted you to know that she's packing eight inches of luscious man-meat. " Lily held up Ray's cell phone, which he'd left under the register.

"Oh my God, not again!" Ray cradled his head in his hands and fell against the counter.

"She said she was eager to share it with you. " Lily examined her nails. "So, Asher's a ninja, huh?"

Ray looked up. "Yes, and he's stalking a fuck puppet from my gym. "

"Think you're living a rich enough fantasy life, Ray?"

"Shut up, Lily, this is a disaster. My job and my apartment depend on Charlie, not to mention that he has a kid, and the new light of my life is a guy. "

"No, she's not. " Lily wondered about herself, giving in so early - she didn't enjoy torturing Ray the way she used to.