"Huh? What?"
"I'm just fuckin' with you, Ray. She didn't call. I read all of your e-mail and IMs. "
"That stuff is private. "
"Which is why you have it all here on the store's computer?"
"I spend a lot of time here, with the time difference. . . "
"And speaking of privacy, what's the deal with Asher being a ninja and a serial killer? I mean, both? At the same time?"
Ray moved in close, and talked into his collar, as if revealing a huge conspiracy. "I've been watching him. Charlie's been taking in a lot of stuff from dead people. It's gone on for years. But he's always having to take off on a moment's notice, having me cover his shifts, and he never explains where he's going, except soon after that happens, one of the dead people's things shows up in the shop. So today I followed him, and he was after a woman who goes to my gym, who we might have seen the other day. "
Lily stepped back, crossed her arms, and looked disgusted with Ray, which was fairly easy, since she'd had years of practice. "Ray, did it occur to you that Asher handles estates, and that we've been doing much better business since he started doing more estates - that the quality of the merchandise is much higher? Probably because he gets there early?"
"I know, but that's not it. You're not around as much now, Lily. I was a cop, I notice these things. For one thing, did you know that there was a homicide detective keeping track of Charlie? That's right. Gave me his card, told me to call if anything unusual happened. "
"No, Ray, you didn't. "
"Charlie disappeared, Lily. I was watching him, and he just blinked out of existence, right before my eyes. And last I saw him he was going into the fuck puppet's building. "
Lily wanted to grab the stapler off the counter and rapidly drive about a hundred staples into Ray's shiny forehead. "You ungrateful fucktard! You called the cops on Asher? The guy who has given you a job and a place to live for what, ten years?"
"I didn't call the black-and-whites, just this Inspector Rivera. I know him from when I was on the force. He'll keep it on the down low. "
"Go get your checkbook and your car," Lily barked. "We're going to bail him out. "
"He probably hasn't even been processed yet," Ray said.
"Ray, you pathetic toss-beast. Go. I'll close up the store and wait for you out front. "
"Lily, you can't talk to me that way. I don't have to put up with it. "
Because he couldn't turn his head, Ray wasn't able to avoid the first two staples Lily put in his forehead, but by then he had decided it was best to go get his checkbook and his car, and backed away.
"What's a fuck puppet, anyway?" Lily shouted after him, somewhat surprised at the violent intensity of her loyalty to Charlie.
The policewoman fingerprinted Charlie nine times before she looked up at Inspector Alphonse Rivera and said, "This motherfucker got no fingerprints. "
Rivera took Charlie's hand and turned it palm up, and looked at his fingers. "I can see the ridges, right there. He's got completely normal fingerprints. "
"Well, you do it, then," said the woman. "'Cause alls I got on the card is smooth. "
"Fine, then," Rivera said. "Come with me. "
He led Charlie over to a wall that had a big ruler painted on it and told him to face a camera.
"How's my hair?" Charlie said.
"Don't smile. "
Charlie frowned.
"Don't make a face. Just look straight ahead and - your hair is fine, though now you've got ink on your forehead. This is not that hard, Mr. Asher, criminals do this all the time. "
"I'm not a criminal," Charlie said.
"You broke into a security building and harassed a young woman, that makes you a criminal. "