A Dirty Job (Grim Reaper 1)

"Could be," Charlie said. "But whatever is happening, it seems to be following me. "

"Sorry," Vern said. "I'm glad we talked, though. I don't feel so alone. "

"Yeah," Charlie said.

"And sorry about your mother," Vern added quickly. "You okay?"

"Hasn't even hit me yet," Charlie said. "I guess I'm an orphan. "

"I'll make sure and check out whoever gets her necklace," Vern said. "I'll be careful with it. "

"Thanks," Charlie said. "You think we have any control over who gets the soul next? I mean really. The Great Big Book says it will move on as it should. "

"I guess," Vern said. "Every time I've sold one the glow has gone out right away. If it wasn't the right person, that wouldn't happen, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Charlie said. "So there is some order to this. "

"You're the expert," Vern said - then he dropped his fork. "Who is that? She's so hot. "

"That's my sister," Charlie said. Jane was coming across the room toward them. She was wearing Charlie's charcoal double-breasted Armani and the strappy black pumps; her platinum hair was lacquered into thirties finger waves, which flowed out from under a small black hat with a veil that covered her

face down to her lips, which shone like red Ferraris. To Charlie, she looked, as usual, like the cross between a robot assassin and a Dr. Seuss character, but if he tried to squint past the fact that she was his sister, and a lesbian, and his sister, then he could possibly see how the hair, lips, and sheer linear altitude of her might strike someone as hot. Especially someone like Vern, who would require climbing equipment and oxygen to scale a woman Jane's height.

"Vern, I'd like you to meet my incredibly hot sister, Jane. Jane, this is Vern. "

"Hi, Vern. " Jane took Vern's hand and the Death Merchant winced at her grip.

"Sorry for your loss," Vern said.

"Thanks," Jane said. "Did you know our mother?"

"Vern knew her very well," Charlie said. "In fact, it was one of Mom's dying wishes that you let Vern buy you a doughnut. Wasn't it, Vern?"

Vern nodded so hard that Charlie thought he could hear vertebrae cracking.

"Her dying wish," Vern said.

Jane didn't move, or say anything. Because her eyes were covered, Charlie couldn't see her expression, but he guessed that she might be trying to burn holes in his aorta with her laser-beam vision.

"You know, Vern, that would be lovely, but could I take a rain check? We just buried my mother and I have some things to go over with my brother. "

"That's fine," Vern said. "And it doesn't have to be a doughnut, if you're watching your figure. You know, a salad, coffee, anything. "

"Sure," Jane said. "Since it's what Mom wanted. I'll give you a call. Charlie told you I'm a lesbian, though, right?"

"Oh my God," Vern said. He almost doubled over with excitement before he remembered that he was at a postfuneral potluck and he was openly imagining a m??nage ?? trois with the deceased's daughter. "Sorry," he squealed.

"See you, Vern," Charlie said as his sister hustled him toward the kitchen cubicle of the clubhouse. "I'll e-mail you about that other thing. "

As soon as they rounded the corner into the kitchen Jane punched Charlie in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him.

"What were you thinking?" Jane hissed. She flipped back her veil so he could see just how pissed off she was, just in case the punch in the breadbasket hadn't conveyed the message.

Charlie was gasping and laughing at the same time. "It's what Mom would have wanted. "

"My mom just died, Charlie. "

"Yeah," Charlie said. "But you have no idea what you've just done for that guy in there. "