"I'm relaxed, though. You know, blood loss relaxes you. You suppose that's why they did leeches in the Middle Ages? They could use them instead of tranquilizers. 'Yes, Bob, I'll be right in to the meeting, but let me stick a leech on, I'm feeling a little anxious. ' Like that. "
"Great idea, Charlie. You want some water?"
"You're a good guy, Ray. Did I ever tell you that? Even if you are serial-killing desperate Filipinas on your vacation. "
"What?"
Nurse Betsy came to the window. "Asher!" she called.
Ray looked pleadingly at her through the window - a few seconds later she was coming through the door with a wheelchair.
"How's Painless doing?" she said.
"Oh my God, he's incredibly irritating," Ray said.
"You didn't take your medicine, did you?"
"I don't like drugs. "
"Who's the nurse here, Ray? It's the circle of meds, not just the patient, but everyone around him. Haven't you seen The Lion King?"
"That's not in The Lion King. That's the circle of life. "
"Really? I've been singing that song wrong the whole time? Wow, I guess I don't like that movie after all. Help me get Painless into the chair. We'll have him home by breakfast. "
"We got here at dinnertime," Ray said.
"See how you are when you're off your meds?"
Charlie had a foam walking cast and crutches when he got home from the hospital. The painkillers had worn off to a level where he was no longer painless. His head was throbbing like tiny twin aliens were going to burst out of his temples. Mrs. Korjev came out of his apartment and cornered him in the hallway.
"Charlie Asher, I am having bone to pick with you. Last night am I seeing my little Sophie run by my apartment naked and soapy like bear, pulling giant black dogs around singing 'not in butt'? In old country we have word for that, Charlie Asher. Word is nasty. I still have number for child service from days when my boys were boys
. "
"Soapy like bear?"
"Don't change subject. Is nasty. "
"Yes, it is. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I was shot and wasn't thinking straight. "
"You are shot?"
"In the leg. It's only a flesh wound. " Charlie had waited his entire life to say those words and he felt very macho at that moment. "I don't know who shot me. It's a mystery. They dropped a rug on me, too. " The rug diminished the machismo somewhat. He vowed not to mention it henceforth.
"You come in. Have breakfast. Sophie will not eat toast Vladlena make. She say is raw and have toast germs. "
"That's my girl," Charlie said.
Charlie was no sooner in the door and on his way to rescue his daughter from toast-borne pathogens, when Mohammed grabbed the tip of one of his crutches in his mouth and dragged a hopping Charlie into the bedroom.
"Hi, Daddy," Sophie said as her father went hopping by. "No skipping in the house," she added.
Mohammed head-butted the hapless Beta Male to his date book. There were two names there under today's date, which wasn't that unusual. What was unusual was that they were the names that had appeared before: Esther Johnson and Irena Posokovanovich - the two soul vessels he'd missed.
He sat down on the bed and tried to rub the pain aliens back into his temples. How to even start? Would these names keep coming back until he got the soul vessels? That hadn't happened with the fuck puppet. What was different here? Things were obviously getting worse - now they were shooting at him.
Charlie picked up the phone and dialed Ray Macy's number.