A Dirty Job (Grim Reaper 1)

"No really. "

"Really. It's Bob. "

"So I suppose your last name is Cat. "

"Wilson. "

"Just checking. Sorry. "

"'S okay. "

"Do you remember who you were in your last life?"

"I remember a little. I think I was an accountant. "

"So, no military experience?"

"You need some bodies counted, I'm your man, er, thing. "

"Swell. Does anyone here remember if they used to be a soldier, or a ninja or anything? Extra credit for ninjas or a Viking or something. Weren't any of you like Attila the Hun or Captain Horatio Hornblower in a former life or something?"

A ferret in a sequined minidress and go-go boots came forward, paw raised.

"You were a naval commander?"

The ferret appeared to whisper into Bob's hat (since Bob no longer had ears).

"She says no, she misunderstood, she thought you meant horn blower. "

"She was a prostitute?"

"Cornet _layer," said Bob.

"Sorry," Charlie said. "It's the boots. "

The ferret waved him off in a "no worries" way, then leaned over and whispered to Bob again.

"What?" Charlie said.

"Nothing," Bob said.

"Not nothing. I didn't think they could talk. "

"Well, not to you," said Bob.

"What did she say?"

"She said we're fucked. "

"Well, that's not a very good attitude," Charlie said, but he was starting to believe the go-go ferret was right, and he leaned back into a semisitting position in the pipe to rest.

Bob climbed up to a smaller pipe and sat on the edge, his feet dangling over; water dripped from his little patent-leather shoes, but the floral pattern brass buckles still shone in the light of Charlie's headlamp.

"Nice shoes," Charlie said.

"Yeah, well, Audrey digs me," said Bob.

Before Charlie could answer, the dog had grabbed Bob from behind and was shaking him like a rag doll. His mighty spork clattered off the pipe and was lost in the water below.