cellus told me of how influenza had been devastating England. And we both knew there was nothing that could have kept you from me once it was revealed that I lived, Emily. We did it to protect you. I did it to protect you. And I will be damned if I say I regret it.”
He grimaced as he cupped her cheeks. “I couldn’t risk you. Marcellus could not risk you.”
She tried to jerk from him, but he held her chin firm, forcing her to meet the torment in his gaze.
“Forgive us.”
Tears streamed down her face in torrents. Even now she could feel the echoes of the grief that had held her so tightly. “Marcellus saved me. He comforted me. He forced me to eat when I wanted to waste away. He gave me purpose when I felt empty. He held me when I screamed. He saw my agony, and he knew you lived.”
She drew away from him when she realized she felt as if Marcellus had betrayed her more. The anguish that traveled through her heart was due more to Marcellus’s betrayal. Oh, she felt anger and rage at Maxwell’s decision as well, but for some reason, Marcellus’s actions stung more.
“If you have the capacity to forgive me, Emily, you have the capacity to forgive Marcellus. He raged at me to let you know. I need both of your forgiveness. I placed him in an untenable situation. I command his loyalty, and you command his heart, and I forced him to break it.”
“I command his heart?” Her laughter was filled with incredulity. “You speak so casually of your brother loving me.”
The expression that swept across his face had desire pooling low in her loins. Her heart stuttered as she analyzed him. “Marcellus loves me?”
“Yes.”
She shivered and wrapped her arms around her waist. “As how a man loves a woman?”
“Yes.”
“And you accept this?”
“Yes.”
She closed her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. “And you know that he fucked me.”
“Do not cheapen what exists between you.”
She opened her eyes at the steel that underlined his words.
“Cheapen? I merely used the phrase he said when we came together. He said he was going to fuck me long and hard, and he did,” she said flatly as she examined his expression. “He fucked me several times if you must know the truth.” She did not know what she saw on his face that prompted her to ask her next question. “How long have you known?”
“Emily…”
“How long?”
“The first night he took you.”
She leaned into the cushions.
“It is not what you think, Emily.”
The hoarseness of his voice had her looking at him.
She trembled as emotions ripped through her. “You have no idea what I am thinking, Maxwell.”
“I am in tune with Marcellus’s emotions in ways that I doubt are normal. From when we were children. If pain is inflicted on him, I know. Every hurt that I endured in the war, he experienced it as well. He felt every bit of agony and despair. We always knew when one required the other. He knew I needed to feel something other than misery and bitterness. And the night he made love with you, I felt pleasure for the first time in months. I had something other than the nightmares. He gave me that, Emily.”
She fought the mass of emotions that bombarded her. The remembered passion, intensity, and hours long of loving shook her. The entire time Maxwell had been feeling his brother’s satisfaction? “Are you telling me that Marcellus only loved me so that you could feel pleasure?”
She feared if Maxwell said yes, she would howl from the pain that tore through her.
“No. Marcellus made love with you because it had been hell for him to hold out for you. You were the first woman we have both ever lusted for. You were the first woman he touched, and I felt the phantom caress as if I were doing the touching. You are the only woman both of us have ever loved. You are the only one both of us long for. You’re everything we’ve ever dreamed of, Emily.”
Indecision flared in her. “What do you mean?”