Know Me Well (Wishful 3)

“I’m not keeping a balance sheet, Riley.”

“No, you wouldn’t. That’s not part of who you are.” Autumn had seen that before she had.

She sat on the closed lid of the toilet and tried to find the words. “I don’t know how to accept help with her. For so long, it’s just been us, Mom and me. And our roles got reversed so long ago, I don’t even remember what it was like to be the child instead of the one in control. It’s like…when you carry an exceptionally heavy load, and it’s something really important that you can’t drop. And it’s more than you can reasonably bear for a long period of time, but you don’t have a choice, so you just dig in and hang on.”

She curled her hands into tight fists in her lap, stared at them. “After a while, the muscles in your hands begin to cramp, until it’s nothing but the cramp keeping you from dropping things. And then somebody comes along to help lift the burden, except your hands have been cramped so damned long around that rope, you can’t actually let go and it hurts as much to release as to hang on. And on top of that…you don’t trust that whoever this person is will really hold up their end—because nobody else has and why would they? It’s not their job. What if they drop it? And worse, what if you let go and then you can’t pick it up again?”

Riley raised her gaze to Liam’s, searching for understanding. “That’s what this is like for me. Holding the line, holding that load, keeping things together and trying not to drown—that’s been my life for as long as I can remember. And I hate it as much as I’m proud that I’ve managed it. I resent the hell out of the fact that I had to do it, but I don’t know how to stop, either. Because, for me, letting go, letting you or anyone else take some of that off me, is admitting I can’t do it all. And that makes me weak.”

“There’s nothing weak about you.”

“No, you never thought so. I couldn’t ever understand that.”

He knelt in front of her, taking her fists in his big, strong hands. “I’ve always seen your strength. That quiet endurance is something I recognize and respect the hell out of.” With unhurried motions, he uncurled her clamped fingers, stroking the tension out before pressing a kiss to each palm. “But you aren’t alone anymore, and you don’t have to hold that line by yourself. I won’t let you drop it. And I won’t let you drown.”

God, what did she do to deserve this man?

“I know. Deep down, I really do know that. I don’t know how long it will take me to be easy with that.” She took a breath, took the leap. “The fact is, loving you is the easy part. I’ve been in love with you most of my life. But I need you, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I’ve never known how to deal with that.”

Liam circled his thumbs on her palms. “Needing somebody isn’t something you’re supposed to have to deal with.” He gave a half laugh. “It’s not like having a root canal. Especially when the one you need needs you back.”

He needed her? The idea of that was as ludicrous as it was appealing.

“I have a hard time imagining the big badass Marine needing anyone.”

“Clearly we need to work on your imagination. I’m in love with you, Riley. Down-to-the-bone crazy about you. Maybe not for as long as you, but I’m there. We’ve got time to figure out the rest. I’d just ask one thing of you.”

Riley swallowed against the burn in her throat. “What’s that?”

“Don’t shut me out. I want to be there for you. All the way, not just in whatever areas you feel comfortable.”

“You’re the only one who’s ever gotten this far. I can’t promise I won’t fight about it. But swear I’ll work on it.”

“That’s good enough for now.”

Chapter 18

At the sound of the shot, Liam rocketed awake, the Ruger in his hand before his eyes had even fully opened. But no one stood in his room. Beside him, Riley still slept, whole and unharmed, other than the bruise that shadowed her cheek in the pale dawn light.

Shouldn’t have watched the surveillance video.

The only reason Judd had showed him at all was because Riley had kicked ass. But Liam’s brain had spent the night playing the footage on repeat, with every possible way the situation could’ve gone wrong. Easing back, he replaced the pistol on the nightstand and scrubbed a hand over his face, as if that would erase the images still bright in his mind.

Thunder rolled, no doubt the sound that woke him. Rain began to ping against the window and lash against the roof in gusts. He loved a good thunderstorm. He wished it were a normal day after a normal night, when he could sweet talk Riley into playing hooky and staying in bed, cocooned from the world.

But it wasn’t a normal day, and it sure as hell hadn’t been a normal night.

A full twenty-one hours had passed before they’d released her to come home. Despite the fact that the pharmacy was closed, pretty much all of Wishful had come by—a combination of concerned customers and general Lookie Lous, not to mention all the friends and family. Sharilyn had been near hysterical. Molly had intercepted her, calling Matthew McSweeney to take her home, once she’d been assured Riley was okay. Mitch and Reuben had helped maintain the perimeter, and Autumn had made sure they’d been fed. Wynne was stuck in New Orleans for work, but she’d called almost once an hour to check in. Everybody had been waiting for Riley to drop.

But she’d held up through all the questioning, the waiting, the inventory. As soon as the police were through, Liam had brought her to his mother’s house, wanting them both under one roof so he could keep an eye on them until the second thief was caught. Molly had given Riley something to help her sleep. She’d been so exhausted, she’d already been out by the time Liam got her upstairs and tucked into his bed.

With the gray from the rain, it was later than he’d realized. Careful not to disturb her, he pressed a kiss to Riley’s brow and slipped from bed. She needed the sleep. He’d just go down, start coffee, text Judd to see if there was an update.

As soon as he hit the hall, he realized someone had already started coffee. The rich scent of French roast perfumed the air and drew him to the kitchen.

Molly looked up from where she whipped something at the counter. “How is she?”

He thought of Riley falling apart in the shower. A purge long overdue. “Still tender yet. The robbery was pretty much the icing on the shit cake she’s been eating all summer.”