She smiled as she scooped up the peppers and jalapeños she’d just washed and set them down by his cutting board. “Good. Chop all of these, too.”
“She’s a slave driver,” Ryan told Duke. He looked back at her. “He’s totally judging you.”
“He’s judging you. He’s in awe of me.”
“Hannah, we’re all in awe of you.” Suddenly his expression was way too serious, sucking all the air out of the kitchen. “Are you thinking about your application? Because you shouldn’t be nervous about that. You have amazing talent and drive.”
She felt pleasant heat rise in her cheeks at his words. “I turned that in yesterday.”
“Yeah? That’s awesome. So if not that, what are you pondering so deeply?”
She could lie, but even the little white kind wasn’t in her nature. So she shrugged. “Us. This—” She waved a hand between them, encompassing all the flirtation and innuendo and…more. “—thing.”
He paused, then nodded. “What was it you’ve been telling me all week? Focus on the now instead of the past or too far into the future?” Despite the teasing edge to his smile, something more serious lingered beneath. “You’ve done a pretty epic job keeping my mind in the here and now, and that’s not easy.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“How’d you end up that way? All cheerful Zen or whatever?”
Scooping out the browned meat with a slotted spoon, Hannah considered the question. “I focus on the now because I’m grateful to have the now, when things could’ve gone a whole other way in the accident. And I take pleasure and joy in the life I have, not the life I thought I’d have, or that might be just around the corner. Which isn’t to say I don’t plan for the future, but that’s a lot hazier to me than it used to be.”
Shouldn’t that be her answer, then? To take the pleasure he offered and enjoy it for what it was, regardless of where it couldn’t go?
“I always figured I’d be career military.” With the flat of the knife, Ryan scraped the chopped vegetables into the popping grease of the pot. “That’s hazier than it used to be.”
“You’re rethinking that path?”
“I wasn’t until I came here.”
Emotions like pebbles clogged her throat, each one inscribed with a wish she had for the two of them. Wishes that couldn’t be voiced. She hadn’t expected this from him, hadn’t believed she’d really convince him he wanted or needed anything beyond this temporary, casual…thing for the holidays. She hadn’t expected to want more than that herself. But there was nothing casual in his expression, nothing casual in the pulse that kicked to a gallop in her throat. The air went thick between them, and she was almost afraid to speak for fear of breaking the spell.
He skimmed his fingers through her hair. “You make me remember what I’m fighting for.”
“What’s that?”
He smiled a little. “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness with a woman and a big, sloppy dog.”
Behind them, Duke’s tail thumped. Neither of them looked his way.
“Had you forgotten?” she murmured.
“I’d just...given up the wanting of them for myself. But this week with you reminded me that there’s life outside
war.”
“Good. I wanted that for you.”
“What do you want for yourself?”
Hannah blinked at him. “I…” How was she supposed to answer that? Right now, she couldn’t see past this moment, past wanting him, his body against hers. And maybe that life with the big, sloppy dog. But how could she say that?
“You don’t even know how to answer that, do you? You spend all this time thinking about what everybody else needs and none about yourself.” He stroked a knuckle across her cheek, a whisper of a touch that scrambled her brain.
“Is there something wrong with that?”
“No. But since you’re short on ideas, should I tell you what I want for you?”
“Please.” She didn’t know where he was going with this, but as long as he kept talking, he’d keep standing right there, close to her, with his deep, rich voice skating over her skin. She could live in this delicious moment, and not make big choices.