“So you want me to just dig?”
Nodding her head, she said, “Yes, Grace. I want you to just dig.”
There was something about digging in the dirt that relaxed me. It always had and I knew Grams felt the same way.
Shrugging my shoulders, I did what she told me to do. Turning, I found a spot and dropped to my knees. Sticking the garden shovel into the dirt, I scoped out some dirt. Then I scoped more out. My mind quickly got lost in thought as I thought about how Noah had been acting the last couple of weeks since his mother passed away. I’d readied myself for him to break down, but he never did.
He was relaxed.
Too relaxed.
All the time he seemed relaxed.
The shovel dug in deeper as I closed my eye
s and remembered seeing Noah taking a sleeping pill. I didn’t think much of it as I walked into the room and saw him put it in his mouth and down it with a Coke. He’d hardly been sleeping. One to two hours a night. Maybe in my mind I justified it, thinking he needed it.
“Grams, did you dig often in your garden for no reason?” Alex asked with a chuckle.
“Oh yes, Alexandra. There were times I was in my garden in the middle of the night. Something about being with the dirt cleared my head. Allowed me to focus on the things that were right in front of me that I couldn’t see.”
Grams words slammed into my head as my heart felt like someone was gripping it and squeezing as hard as they could.
Dig faster, Grace. Deeper.
Noah. Oh God. Noah’s been taking pills to deal with his mother’s death and he’s been doing it right in front of me.
I’ve been allowing it to happen.
Dropping the shovel, I dug with my hands. I promised her. I promised Lisa I would be his strength.
I failed her.
I failed Noah.
Using both of my hands, I frantically began digging out more dirt as Alex called out my name.
“Grace?”
Anger built up in my body as I realized how stupid and naïve I had allowed myself to me. Using my left hand to hold up my body, I rested it on the ground as I used my right hand to dig harder.
“Stupid!” I cried out as I worked harder.
“Grace! Stop!” Alex called out to me.
“I can’t believe I was so blind!”
Alex placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a pull. “Grace Johnson! What are you doing?”
Jumping up, I spun around and faced Alex. “The one thing I promised Lisa and Noah I would do . . . I didn’t do.”
Alex gave me a confused look. “What in the hell are you talking about?”
Looking past Alex, I caught Gram’s stare. Her blue eyes pierced mine. “How did you know?”
Smiling, she slowly shook her head. “As we grow older, we see things. We learn things. Some of it is from experience, some from just listening to our gut feelings.”
Alex reached out and took my hand. “Grace, please tell me what’s going on.”