Loving You (Love Wanted in Texas 6)

“He did? What did he want?”

After I came back from Paris, I’d told my mother everything about Jase. Even him taking my virginity. The one thing I could always count on was my mother’s support. She was there for me in a time I really needed someone to lean on. Never once judging me. “He wanted to apologize for how things went in Paris and he asked for a second chance.”

With a slight smile, she grabbed my hands and softly said, “Oh, Taylor. Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting? Did you ask him about the girl he left with?”

A swoosh of air escaped from my mouth as I looked away. “He didn’t spend the day with her. He was alone walking around Paris and he said he didn’t mean the things he said; he was just scared.”

She squeezed my hands and leaned in closer with a wide grin. “That’s a good thing, right?”

Sniffling, I nodded my head. “Yes. But something came over me when he was there and I got so mad. All my confused feelings came rushing back seeing him standing there and I told him to leave. He said if I really wanted him gone I had to tell him . . . and I did. I told him to leave and he said if he left he would never bother me again. I let him go.” Again, tears rolled down my face. “I let him walk out the door and I didn’t say a word to him. Mom, I think I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“So you got angry and let your emotions lead your thoughts. We’ve all done it and I’m guessing that is what led to all of this in the first place. Taylor, just call him and tell him you were upset.”

I frantically shook my head. “You don’t understand. I’ve done something terrible and I feel so . . . so guilty. So . . . dirty.”

Her eyes widened in horror. “Wh-what did you do?”

“After I talked to Granddad and quit, I met Mr. Burns for lunch.”

Narrowing her eyes, she asked, “Who is Mr. Burns?”

“Clark. His name is Clark and he is a VP in accounting. He’s about three or four years older than me and he has been flirting with me since I started. We had lunch and I came back to the office and packed up my desk. When I was leaving, I ran into him again and we made plans for dinner.”

Burying my face in my hands, I started crying again while my stomach cramped. Placing her arm around me, my mother held me close to her. “Go on, Taylor.”

I could hear how tense her voice was. “We went to dinner and I asked him back to my apartment and we slept together. I thought if I just had sex with someone else, I’d prove to myself I was over Jase and that I could move on. When he got up and went into the restroom, I cried.”

“Did he force you to do anything you didn’t want to do?”

Gasping, I lifted my head and looked at her. “No! I was the one who asked him to my apartment and flirted endlessly with him. I came on to him and . . . and now . . .” My voice trembled as I wiped my tears away. “And now I’d give anything to have Jase standing in front of me again so I could have a do-over. Oh, Mom. Wh-what did I do? I didn’t want to be with anyone but Jase! Why did I do that? I’m nothing but a whore.”

Her mouth dropped open as she pushed me back at arm’s length. “Do not ever say that again. Please, Taylor. You’re not the first woman to seduce a man and have sex with him. Did you use protection?”

My heart dropped at the idea.

“Yes! Of course I did.”

She closed her eyes and spoke under her breath. “Thank God.”

“What about Jase? I told him to leave when he asked for another chance. He told me he loved me and I never said it back. I’ve lost him forever. And to make matters worse, I went off and slept with another man.”

I’d never felt my heart ache like it was. I was beginning to believe a broken heart was not just a metaphor. The thought of Jase being out of my life forever made me physically sick.

“What you need to do is take a break. You’ve been working too hard and you need some time off to figure out what you want to do. Spend some time with the girls. I know Meagan would love to see you, especially with the twins. Why don’t you go and spend a few days there? I’m sure she could use the help.”

Wiping under my nose, I nodded. “That’s a good idea. I’ve got most of my apartment in Austin packed up and ready to move. A few days with Meagan and the twins is just what I need.”

My mother smiled and nodded. “Everything will be much clearer when you have some time to yourself. You’ll see.”

A part of me instantly felt relieved to have gotten what happened with Jase and Clark off my chest. Being able to share it with my mother and have her offer advice was something I was grateful for. I hoped to have such a relationship like ours someday if I ever had a daughter.

Returning her smile, I agreed. If only I believed everything would be clearer. Nothing would ever be able to erase the memory of Clark’s touch and how I had tried hard not to let it make my skin crawl.

Nothing.

Taylor

I wrapped the blanket closer around me as I watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon. Taking in a deep breath, I let the clean crisp air filter through my nose.