Huh? Why is she pushing me? “What? Mom, why is it so important that I have a glass of wine? If you want a glass go ahead. I just don’t want one. ”
“You’re a party pooper, come on. I’m going to open up a bottle. Maybe your father will want to join us also. ”
I slammed the knife on the counter and looked at her. “I. Don’t. Want. A. Glass. Of. Wine. Mom. ”
“Why?”
“Mom!”
“Is it because of the baby?” she whispered.
“Yes! You know I can’t have any because…” Oh snap. I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. My mother very quietly started jumping up and down and air clapping.
“I knew it! I knew it the moment I saw you,” she said in a hushed voice. I watched as she did a goofy dance around the kitchen and I couldn’t help but start laughing.
“Really, Mom? How old are you?”
“I’m as old as I feel and I feel like I’m about twenty-five, thank you very much,” she said with a wink.
“So?” she asked, then sat on the bar stool and placed her chin on the back of her hand. Her eyes were wide with excitement and she nodded her head like she wanted me to hurry it up.
I shrugged and said, “Sooo…what?”
She dropped her hands and leaned back and just looked at me. “Don’t be cute. When did you find out? When are you telling Brad?”
My mouth dropped open. I leaned closer towards her and said, “Is this like some super power older women have? How did you even know and how in the hell do you know I haven’t told him yet?”
She took in a deep breath and let it out. “First off, I’d like to say it was a super power but I’m your mother, I just knew the moment I saw you. I could tell. You’re glowing. Secondly, Brad told your father earlier that he’s getting worried; y’all have been trying to have a baby for a while now. He asked your dad if the drugs he took could be the reason he can’t get you pregnant. I overheard them talking and your father assured him that it will happen when it’s meant to happen. ”
I felt the tears stinging my eyes. “Mom…why can’t he move past the guilt? I just want him to know how much I love him and that it’s all in the past. ”
She got up and walked around the island. When she took me in her arms, I tried so hard to hold it in but I started crying.
“Oh baby girl, don’t cry. I really think this baby is going to help Brad fully heal. I know it will. ”
I started nodding my head and said, “God, I hope so, Mom. I really hope so. He’s doing so good and is so happy and it kills me that he beats himself up over the fact that he missed out on so much of the pregnancy. ”
She pulled back and gave me a slight smile. “Can you blame him for wanting a second chance?”
Then it hit me like it always does. “But Mom…it’s really my fault. I hid the pregnancy from him for so long…maybe if I had told him sooner he might not have gotten so deep…”
She put her fingers up to my lips and shook her head. “No. We don’t do this. We don’t play the what if’s…ever. The past is in the past. Leave it there. If you don’t, it will eat you alive and for what? You can’t do anything to change it, so learn from it and let it go. ”
I looked at my mom and smiled. She had always been my rock. She was a therapist and her best friend and colleague had agreed to be Brad’s therapist after he got out of rehab. Bryan had suggested that Brad continue to see one for as long as he felt the need. He still goes and talks to her at least twice a month.
Brad walked in and stopped when he saw us. “What’s wrong?” he said as he looked at me and then at my mother.
My mom started laughing. “Nothing, sweetheart. I was telling Amanda an old story and she got all emotional. ” She turned and winked at me as I tried to smile.
Brad walked up and took me into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you too. ”
Chapter 4: Brad
After we had brought all the presents in and put them in the garage, we all headed outside. The girls were all sitting out back laughing and talking.
“What, do the kids all take naps at the same time now?” I asked as I walked up and kissed Amanda on the cheek.