“Dude!” Gunner said.
When I glanced back at him, he mouthed, Don’t laugh when he swears.
Oh shit, that’s right! Jeff warned me about that. “Oh, right! Sorry, but that was some funny shit. Oh shit! Ah, motherfucker!” I stood up and covered my mouth.
“I wanna be a mudderfuckin’ cowboy, Josh! Just like you and Gunner and Jeff!” Matt started running around. “Oh shit! Ah, mudderfucker!”
“Nice, dude. Ari’s going to be so pissed off at you,” Jeff said.
Gunner let out a laugh and shook my hand. “How are the ribs feeling?”
I smiled as I thought about Heather asking me the same thing while I’d watched her make pancakes this morning. She’d been wearing a pair of my boxer shorts—at least I hoped like hell they were mine—and one of my old UT football shirts.
“Almost feel normal again. Doesn’t hurt either that I have the most beautiful girl in the world living with me at my parents’ house!” I said as I watched Matt running around. “Shit…sorry, I forgot about the whole swearing thing. Funny as hell little guy though. I see why we got along so well. ”
Jeff walked up and gently hit me on the back. “You remember anything at all from spending more time with Heather?”
I shook my head. I was starting to get frustrated. “No, nothing. I feel something for her though. I feel like I just need her so much, and it scares the fuck out of me. I just want to be around her all the damn time. I wake up, thinking about her, and go to sleep, thinking about her. What the fuck is that?”
Gunner threw his head back and laughed. “That, my friend, is called love!”
Love? I knew that I loved her before the accident. Do I love her now? Is that what this is?
Jeff started laughing, too, as he shook his head. “Don’t push it, Josh. It’ll come back, dude, and you’ll remember exactly how head over heels in love you were with Heather. ”
I sure hoped they were both right. I could see the pain in her eyes every day. She would try to hide it, but I knew she wanted so much more from me. I also knew the only reason she took a leave from her job was to keep Tori away as much as possible. I shook my head and let out a small laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Gunner asked as he walked over to his truck and started taking out his fishing gear.
“It just blows my mind she would leave her job to stay with me. I mean, I’m fine now. My mother is treating me like I can’t do a damn thing. Do you think she asked Heather to stay with me? Or do you think it was Heather’s idea?” I asked as I helped Gunner put the poles in the back of my new truck.
Gunner stopped, looked at me, and smiled. He took a deep breath and chuckled. “Well, according to Ellie, Heather did it to keep Victoria at bay. ”
No fucking way. I was right.
“Well, fuck me, I knew it,” I said, laughing.
Gunner put his hand on my shoulder. “Josh, you and Heather went through hell and high water before you finally got together. That girl loves you with every ounce of her being. She’s not going to give up on you. She’s going to fight for the both of y’all. I’m gonna be honest. Your whole let’s-be-friends-first thing has her world turned upside down. Just don’t string her along, Josh, and please don’t hurt her. She’s been through enough as it is. ” Gunner looked away.
“Some girl named Lynda called me the other day. I asked my mother about her, and she pretty much gave me the lowdown of what she knew. She basically told me to keep the fuck away from this chick. She mentioned Lynda was your cousin. ”
Gunner headed back over toward his truck. He called over his shoulder, “Your mom gave you good advice, dude. If Lynda calls again, don’t ever answer the phone. ” He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face me. “And don’t fucking tell Heather you talked to Lynda. Shit, poor girl already has one to tend with. She doesn’t need to worry about two. ”
After getting everything loaded in my truck, we all got in and headed out. Matt was a hoot. That kid had me in stitches, and I could feel my side every time I laughed. I loved that he knew all the words to Blake Shelton’s “Boy’s ’Round Here. ” We had to play it over and over for him. I loved him already.
Shit! There was that love word again. Fuck. I must have really changed.
I could hear Jeff and Matthew laughing in the backseat as we got closer to the lake. I smiled, thinking about Jeff and Gunner being fathers and how good they both were with Matt. Just then, I had the strangest feeling come over me.
I want to have kids with Heather.
“Holy fucking shit! What the hell?” I said without thinking.
“What the hell!” Matthew called out from the backseat.
“Josh!” Jeff and Gunner said at the same time.
I needed air. When I saw a store, I pulled in. I jumped out of the truck and started taking deep breaths.