Desire.
How I had a crush on him at one point. Then he went off and left me to join the Army and get as far away from St. Patrick’s as he could. I didn’t blame him because I knew how he felt. Both of us wanted out. I had always felt so comfortable with him. He was just another man who left me.
Clearing my throat, I nodded. “Totally. What have you been up to?”
“Came to visit some friends.”
His eyes were hungry as he looked at me. Swallowing hard, I tried to keep myself in check. For weeks I had buried myself in my apartment with Princess as I mourned the loss of Malcolm. My mind drifted back to my conversation with Elizabeth.
My head was buried as I knelt silently in the nave of my beloved St. Patrick’s. My safe haven and the only place I’d ever truly felt loved.
“Paislie, you look troubled.”
I lifted my head to see Elizabeth, my dearest friend, standing alongside Father Tim. With a smile, I stood and made my way to them both. Elizabeth wrapped me in her arms and I finally let go of the tears I had been trying to hold back.
“I’ll leave you be,” Father Tim said as I pulled back and quickly wiped away the evidence of my weakness. He smiled and my heart felt light. I had always had suspicions that Father Tim and Elizabeth carried a torch for one another. They were both young and attractive. “Paislie, I’d love to see you sitting in the pews this Sunday.”
My face flushed as I looked down in guilt. “Yes, father, I’ll be there.” And I would. If I made a promise to either one of them, I always kept it.
“Good. It will do your heart good to sit in the Lord’s house more often.” He flashed me a bigger smile and gave Elizabeth a slight nod before turning and walking away.
Reaching for my hand, Elizabeth guided me to the front pew. “Talk to me, Paislie. I’m filled with worry.”
Her eyes looked me over as she pulled me down into a seated position. “You’ve lost weight.”
With a shrug, I barely said, “I haven’t been hungry.”
“What happened?”
With a dry laugh, I shook my head and looked up at the crucifix. “I let him into my heart. Gave him a piece of myself that I swore I’d never give away.”
Elizabeth took my hand in hers. “Do you love him?”
A single tear rolled down my cheek. “I thought I did. Maybe I longed for someone to love me so much, I deceived my own heart into thinking I was in love.”
“Did he do something to hurt you?”
I jerked my head to look at her. “No.” His blue eyes invaded my thoughts as I closed my eyes and whispered, “He treated me like a princess.”
“Did you get scared?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t run because things were getting serious.” With a chuckle, I looked back at her. “There were moments I fantasized about having a family with him.”
Elizabeth smiled. “Paislie, that’s wonderful.”
My smile faded. “It was until he started pulling back. Flirting with other women. He might have been sleeping with someone else, I have no clue. He lied to me about his knee; he went behind my back.”
Concern washed over her face. “What did he do?”
I stood up and shook my hands, trying to shake away the feeling of dread looming in my heart. “Elizabeth, I just want to forget him. Fo
rget men all together. I want a simple life like yours.”
She pulled her head back and laughed. “You think my life is simple, Paislie? That I don’t struggle with the feelings you struggle with?”
My eyes widened. “Well . . . I . . . I’m not sure.”
She shook her head. “Paislie, I’ve been fighting a demon of my own for some time. The heart is one that is hard to deny when it falls in love.”