“Peter . . . oh God!”
He grabbed onto my ass and pulled me closer to him and kissed me. It was nothing like Malcolm’s kisses. My body didn’t tremble, my stomach didn’t flutter, and I felt absolutely nothing.
Just like before, mindless sex to hide the pain.
His fingers pushed my panties out of the way as he slipped them inside of me. Before Malcolm, I would have been pumping my hips against Peter’s hand. Guiding him on how to fuck me with his fingers.
“Fuck waiting,” Peter mumbled as he pushed me off some and unzipped his pants.
“Condom?” I gasped.
Peter magically made one appear in his hand as he placed it in his mouth and rubbed the tip of his dick against me.
Instead of it turning me on more, it made my stomach turn.
Everything felt wrong. Me on him, his hands on me, his dick pressed against my body.
No.
This isn’t what I want.
“Wait,” I panted as I placed my hands on his chest.
Stopping him now would be a total bitch move and I knew it. I slid off of him and wrapped my hand around his dick, moving it up and down slowly as he dropped his head back.
“Jesus . . . you’ve gotten better at hand jobs.”
I smiled as I fought to keep the bile down.
“Suck on me, Paislie. Show me what you’ve learned.”
I swallowed hard. I hated what I was doing and I sure as hell didn’t want to put his dick in my mouth. It dawned on me it was the middle of the morning and anyone could walk by and see us.
Looking around quickly, I sped my hand up as he pumped his hips. “Oh fuck.”
Twisting and pulling, I quickly had him calling out my name as he covered his dick and came in his hand.
“Fucking hell, that was nice.”
Nice? What a dick.
When he opened his eyes he looked at me. “Your turn.”
I shook my head and chewed on the corner of my lip. “Peter, I’m sorry I led you on. I . . . well I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I thought I was ready to do this, but I can’t. Hell, I mean . . . I want to . . . but I’m not ready.”
His eyes softened. “Is that why you finished me off with your hand?”
I slowly nodded. He grabbed a shirt that had been in the back seat and cleaned himself up. When he was finished, he placed his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me closer to him. His lips softly kissed mine. I wanted to feel something so desperately, but I felt nothing.
Peter sat back and searched my face. “He really hurt you?”
With a shrug, I winked and said, “Should be used to it, right?”
He slowly shook his head. “No. And I’m glad you stopped us, Paislie. I would never want you to do something you didn’t want to do.”
With a weak grin, I shook my head. “I wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t left.”
His face grew into a huge smile as his cheeks flushed. “I would have gone to college, struggled to pay my way, asked you to marry me and you probably would have said yes because we are the only thing we ever knew. Maybe had a kid or two and probably would have ended up divorcing by the time we hit thirty.”