Davy was his closest friend at school, an angelic-looking blond youngster with a fearsomely deceptive smile and a highly developed magnetism towards mischief.
Simon’s brief, ‘No,’ wasn’t reassuring.
‘What is it, then?’ she probed.
‘Why haven’t we got a daddy?’
The unexpectedness of the question had her completely lost for words for a moment. The twins both knew the story of their ‘father’ and his death, and although he was rarely mentioned Tara had always answered any questions they had raised and had rather prided herself on her handling of the situation and their ready acceptance of it. Suddenly it seemed that she had been congratulating herself too soon.
‘Simon, you know why,’ she said as calmly as she could. ‘Your father was killed in an accident before you were born.’
‘So when we were born we didn’t have a daddy?’ Simon persisted.
Puzzled by his insistence, Tara went carefully over the story she had invented when she first came to London, pregnant and alone. She knew it off by heart and Simon listened impatiently. As soon as she had finished he burst out, ‘David Roberts says that children who don’t have fathers when they’re born are bastards.’
It was obvious that while Simon was unaware of the true meaning of the word he had just quoted, he knew that it conveyed some i
nsult, and worse, set him apart from his peers.
Tara was at a loss to handle the situation. On more than one occasion she had lain sleepless at night wrestling with her conscience and with the fairness of withholding from the twins the circumstances of their birth, especially as they grew older. She knew instinctively that they would want to seek a closer identity with their father when they were older—she would have done herself—but she had told herself that by lying to them she was saving them the inevitable heartbreak of being rejected by James, and the events of the weekend had only reinforced that decision. James had made it more than plain that he wished to remain aloof from them—and his attitude had hurt, which was ridiculous really—after all, he had no idea that they were his children. But even had he done so Tara could not envisage him acting any differently, there had been more than mere indifference in his behaviour, and she suspected his attitude sprang from the fact that they were her children.
Trying to sound as calm as possible, she gently reassured Simon, taking care to stress the fact that David Roberts had been wrong, without placing too much importance on the slur of illegitimacy.
‘Well, if we did have a daddy, why don’t we have any photographs of him?’ Mandy asked, having wandered in from the other room, and fixing her mother with accusing eyes so like her father’s that for a moment Tara felt almost flustered.
Her story had always been that hers had been a whirlwind courtship and marriage with her husband departing overseas almost immediately after the honeymoon, and so she was able to say quickly, ‘There just wasn’t time.’ Her mythical husband had supposedly been an orphan, a move which Tara had felt would satisfactorily explain away the lack of paternal family as the children grew, but coupled with the twins’ grudging acceptance of her story was guilt because she was lying to them, and not for the first time she questioned the wisdom of her decision to conceal from them the existence of their father.
‘I wish we did have a daddy,’ Mandy continued, obviously loath to let the subject drop, warming to her theme as she added innocently, driving the breath from Tara’s lungs, ‘One like Uncle James.’
Tara’s heart sank as she approached the school gates and saw Sue talking to the twins. Fond as she was of her friend she was not in the mood , for idle conversation. Chas’s mood had worsened with the week, and all she could do was say a heartfelt mental, ‘Thank God it’s Friday!’
Sue beamed when she saw her, her smile turning to a worried frown as she saw the tiredness and strain in her eyes.
‘Why, Tara,’ she exclaimed, ‘Aren’t you feeling well?’
‘I’m fine,’ Tara lied. ‘Just a little tired. Come on, you two,’ she instructed the twins, hoping that Sue would take the hint and not press the subject, ‘get in the car.’
‘We’ve been talking to Uncle James,’ Mandy announced blithely, unaware of the consternation her words caused her mother. ‘He came in his big car…’
‘And was outrageously flattered by your daughter,’ Sue informed Tara with a chuckle. ‘It seems he’s her number one candidate for a father.’
Fear and pain tightened a stranglehold on her throat, but somehow she managed to force a shaken smile.
‘I came a little early because I wanted to ask Mrs Ledbetter if I could take Piers out of school for two weeks next month. We’re going to the States to see Mother.’ Sue pulled a face. ‘A duty visit, I’m afraid—anyway, James was kind enough to drive me down. He’ll be here to pick me up shortly… Ah…’ her face broke into a smile, ‘here he is now.’
Tara froze as she turned and saw James advancing on them. He was dressed formally in a dark navy and wine business suit, oddly incongruous among the mothers and children in brightly coloured dungarees, tee-shirts and jeans. Mandy, who had been holding her hand, pulled away and before Tara could stop her she had launched herself on James, who, much to Tara’s astonishment, lifted her daughter from the ground and swung her up in his arms. Some sixth sense drew her attention to Simon, unnaturally still at her side, and her heart dropped as she saw the wistful, almost tremulous expression on his face as he watched James with Mandy. As though he too was aware of the little boy’s reaction, James put Mandy down and, totally ignoring Tara, and the possible damage to his clothes, dropped to his haunches in front of Simon so that they were on the same level, and asked him how he felt about a visit to the Zoo.
Simon’s face was radiant, and Tara had to stifle a swift stab of resentment that James should so easily charm her children.
‘You’ll have to blame me,’ Sue told her, obviously reading the annoyance in her eyes. ‘Alec and I have to go shopping before we leave for New York—you know Mother, I daren’t appear in anything but the very latest fashion or she’ll disown me, and James has very kindly agreed to play nursemaid for an afternoon tomorrow. We’d already decided that his best bet was probably the Zoo. Piers adores the penguins.’
Tara wanted to protest that James should have asked her before including the twins in the outing, but now the damage was done and she could not refuse without disappointing Simon.
‘You know why he’s doing this, don’t you?’ said Sue with another chuckle. ‘He wants reinforcements.’
For a moment Tara looked blank, and then enlightenment dawned. Sue was intimating that she too was included in the invitation. Anger, and something else she wasn’t prepared to acknowledge, sprang to life inside her and speaking without thinking Tara said coolly. ‘Then I’m afraid he’s going to be disappointed—I’ve got something else on tomorrow.’
‘Then we’ll just have to manage on our own, won’t we?’ said James smoothly, getting to his feet with lithe grace. He towered over her and Tara was forced to tilt back her head to look up at him as he asked, ‘What time shall I collect the twins? I thought we’d make an afternoon of it and include tea in the curriculum.’