Never Say Forever

“She’s gone for ice cream with Sophia. The babysitter.” She reaches out, her fingertips drumming against the kitchen counter, pulling her hand back just as quick.

“And your new apartment?”

“It’s not particularly close,” she answers evasively, “but we’ll make it work.”

“Why would you want to, I wonder. When you could stay here as long as you want.”

“Because of this.” She holds out her hand, indicating my presence with some exasperation. “Because of you!”

Because of last night, she means.

“Fee.” I fill her name with such mocking. “This is only the second time I’ve visited. In weeks. And the first was a complete accident.” A complete and happy accident that has unequivocally changed the course of many things.

“But you’re here now, after everything I said when I left last night.”

“I told you. Clean shirts.”

She raises one solitary brow as though to say really? You’re sticking with that?

“And I wanted to check in. Last night must’ve been a lot for you to take in.”

“Pardon the pun?” she snipes, suddenly all attitude and cocked hip.

I don’t return the cheap shot.

“We’re friends, you and me, right?”

“We are not friends, Carson. How can we be?”

“Maybe you can fool yourself, but you can’t fool me. Just like you can’t stop me from wanting. To help you,” I manage to add.

Her eyes widen as I move closer, her hand rising to her collarbone. But this won’t play out like last time. Because last time I cornered her in the kitchen, I’d felt compelled to close the space between us, not really knowing what I was doing or what I was asking of her. I only knew I wanted her, that she’d haunted my dreams since she crept out of the hotel room in Saint Odile. This time is different. This time, my motive is clear, and my actions a thousand times more calculated. I want her no less. In fact, I want a lifetime of more. But I’ll play the long game because I want more than the gratification that one kiss, one touch, one fuck can bring.

I know I’ll have to seduce her, silky words and taunting touches, but not now. Because right now, she’s overthinking. Regretting, maybe? Second-guessing, definitely. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk about last night because I’m sure she has questions balanced on the tip of her tongue. About me. About my role there. About my motivations. But she won’t ask because she’s likely told herself she can’t. The lid to Pandora’s box is firmly jammed shut.

Wherever her head is right now, she needs to move on. No teasing, no real talk. Maybe I should appeal to her sense of practicality.

“Did Lulu like her room?” I ask softly, gratified as she allows me to take her hands, which is where I keep my gaze. Her hands are cool to the touch, her fingers fine-boned and elegant under the pads of my thumbs.

“She loved it. I can’t even describe to you how special it was to see her excitement. Even if I can’t make out why you would do that for her.”

“I wanted her to feel at home,” I reply simply.

“But we were never staying. It makes no sense.”

I shrug but not to feign disinterest. “Maybe not to you. Maybe not even to me. But I’m glad she liked it.”

“Like doesn’t even cover it.”

I risk a glance up from my hands at the smile in her tone. A smile she quickly hides as she tries to pull away.

“But Lu understands this is your home, not ours. And yes, she’ll be upset to leave it, but she says she’ll visit when she comes back to water your plants.”

I find myself chuckling. Her mother doesn’t exactly sound happy about that.

“I mean if you still want her to.”

“What about when I am here? Will you both visit with Uncle Carson?”

“You really are a manipulative shit, do you know that?”

From a chuckle to a laugh, I let my hands fall from hers.

“Am I? What exactly is wrong with wanting to get to know you better?”

“We can’t be friends. Don’t you see that? How could we be when the three times I’ve been near you, I’ve jumped you?”

“I’m not complaining. I was participating. Wholeheartedly.”

“Don’t you see? That’s not me. That’s not who I am. I don’t sleep around, and I don’t have casual sex! It’s you—it’s your fault! You bring out the worst in me. We’re like fire and water!”

“Oil?”

“See? My brain doesn’t even work when you’re around!”

“It’s managing a lot of no’s right now,” I mutter, following her to the other side of the room.

“For once,” she retorts with a manic laugh as she swings around to face me, but whatever she’s about to say goes unsaid.

“Uncle Carson!” Lulu’s excited voice announces her arrival before her arms wrap around my legs.

“Hey, look, it’s a koala.” A koala in a pink jacket and blue scarf, both already half hanging off. Her cheeks are ruddy from the outdoors, her eyes bright, and her fingers cold.