“But why didn’t you mention it? I would’ve understood.”
He shook his head. “Embarrassment, at first. I’d made such a big deal about Ivy House, and here I was, sticking my hand in the cookie jar. But after that…” He took a deep breath. “Someone suggested to me that it would be dangerous for you to know. That you might figure out a way to cut yourself off from us if you found yourself in a sticky situation. Which…you would. We both know it. You’d worry more about us than whatever was happening to you.”
I grimaced. That “someone” was likely Niamh, given she’d said the same thing. They weren’t totally wrong, although I’d evolved in my thinking.
He traced his thumb along my bottom lip. “I will accept your wrath. I deserve it.” He kissed me again, so incredibly open in his physical intimacy at the moment, which he would have usually shut down by now.
“What should I expect from what just happened?” I pulled my hands down his chest, realizing I didn’t want to pull back. I didn’t want to step away. Keeping my distance from him for the last month and a half had been excruciating. Just work and no play made this former Jane a very dull girl. I was going crazy with only the Ivy House staff to hang out with. That way lay insanity. I’d end up asking to be retired like Edgar always did.
Shadows passed over Austin’s eyes, but before he could answer, I said, “I want you back. I want our friendship back. I’ve missed you. I want you hanging around again. And I want to help you with your territory…if you’ll let me.”
His gaze was deep. “What can you expect from what just happened? Nothing. Once they challenged me, their lives were in my hands. Every last one of them. I could’ve killed them without remorse.”
I frowned at him. “No, I meant, will you freak out that you got lost to your dark side?”
The shadows returned again, and he looked at me for a long moment, as if debating. “Yep,” he finally said. “And you are the only soul who will hear that truth. I trust you won’t pass it on.”
“Okay, well…how do I help with that?”
His smile was soft. “You already did. You pulled me out of it. I can’t remember a single person, besides my little niece, who has ever been able to do that. You are a remarkable woman. But I’ll need to think on what happened and why. I have to make sure it doesn’t happen again, or I’ll need to step down as alpha. These people deserve more than someone who loses control.”
I nodded slowly, basking in his heat, seeing the cool logic return to his eyes. He took a step back.
“As for our friendship… I’ve missed you too.” He shrugged, a smile flitting across his lips. “Maybe we’re just friends who kiss from time to time. It happens.”
I released a breath I hadn’t known I was holding. “Yeah. It’s worked for us so far.”
“Thank you, for pulling me back,” he said seriously. “For knowing when…and how.”
“You’ve had my back enough; the least I could do was return the favor.” I turned and headed to the bar. I needed a drink after all of that. “Ivy House took your side, by the way. When I was mad.”
“Oh yeah?” He pulled out the seat Sebastian had been using so I could sit down. It was my regular seat. Sebastian would have to understand. Surprisingly, Austin took the one next to it.
“Yeah. She says she really needs you, which apparently means you can get away with almost anything. I mean…she said I should beat the crap out of you, but that I need to forgive you in the end.”
“That’s a comfort. Do you want to let everyone back in?”
“Oh yeah, sorry. Are you…?” I nodded at the chair.
“Taking the rest of the night off. I need to catch up with an old friend. I might even get to slip in a smile or two. After what I did to that guy with the terrible haircut and all his friends, I’ll get a few days’ leeway before someone else acts the fool.”
It was clear he hadn’t processed everything. He was trying not to think about what had happened, but I knew he’d turn a corner at some point and find himself in that dark place. The best thing I could do for him now was stay by his side and help make that transition as easy as possible. Because, honestly, that had been crazy. I’d never seen Austin react like that, like some kind of movie villain. And yet…I hadn’t been afraid for one moment, not for myself and not for the people tucked into the other room. I’d only worried about the man hanging from his vise grip.