“It probably was yesterday. Besides, we didn’t sleep together. We just…kissed.”
He paused his footsteps and raised a confused brow. “Wait—time out. You’re this happy because of just kissing a girl?”
I shrugged. “Yeah.”
He shook his head in disappointment. “I expected more from you, Jax. Come to me when you’re a real man.”
“Hey, Connor?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
“Okay, boss.”
* * *
The day passed by slowly, but we didn’t have any major plumbing issues to deal with, which made me happy. Nothing could ruin a day like pipes backed up with shit. After I dropped Connor off, I headed toward Dad’s nursing home to check on him. Truthfully, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Amanda, because I knew if Connor had the photograph of Kennedy and me kissing, it’d probably found its way to her, too.
Right when I walked inside, the daggers Amanda shot my way made me fully aware that I was right in my assumption.
“Just a friend, huh?” she sneered, rolling her eyes as she flipped through a magazine.
I walk to the front desk, and even though I didn’t feel as if I owed her an explanation about Kennedy and me, I knew she deserved it. Amanda had never been nasty while we were together. We just came from different backgrounds. We had differing beliefs. When she talked about kids, she talked about how she wanted to shape them into what she wanted them to become—doctors, athletes, politicians.
I didn’t agree with that idea.
I wanted to have a kid who was happy and allowed to be whatever he wanted.
Plus, when it came to passion between Amanda and me, it was lacking. I didn’t get elated when I knew I would see her. I didn’t feel as if she was the person I wanted to spend forever with. I didn’t see a future.
She deserved someone who looked at her as if she were every star in the sky—and unfortunately, I wasn’t that guy.
“I’m sorry if hearing about Kennedy and me hurt you, Amanda. You know I would never want to do that.”
She kept frowning. “Yeah, well, still hurt.”
I grimaced and skimmed my hand through my hair. “Listen, count yourself lucky. I’m an asshole. You’re better off without me.”
“I know that, Jax. I’m not stupid. It’s just…” Her voice lowered and she shook her head. “You never did that with me.”
“Did what?”
“Laughed. We never laughed together.”
“Sure we did,” I offered. There was no way we hadn’t laughed together. We’d dated for nearly two years—there had to have been some laughter.
“No, we didn’t, and you damn sure didn’t look at me the way you looked at that girl. I’m sorry for slapping you, okay? I just…that’s what I wanted. What you gave to her is what I wanted.”
“You’ll get that, Amanda. There’s someone out there who will give you everything you deserve and more. You deserved more than what I gave you.”
“Damn right I do.” She chuckled. “Anyway, good luck.”
I thanked her and headed to see Dad. Lately, when I arrived, he’d been in bed already. It wasn’t a good visit, and his mumbles were about how his kid was a fuck up.
“Fuu-ck up,” he said. “Ja-x fuu-ck up,” he kept repeating. I tried my best to ignore it, but when it became too much, I stepped out of his room, pulled up a chair outside of his door, and waited. I’d wait until he was sleep, then I’d read to him. Amanda noticed me and frowned, but I was glad when she didn’t approach me. I didn’t want her comfort. Seriously, I wished Kennedy was sitting beside me to give me that electric shock.
When Dad was asleep, I went back inside the room. He was looking weaker and weaker each visit, and I knew things were on the decline. I did my best not to think about it and read him the chapters for the night. I was getting close to the end of the novel, so I began reading slower.
Funny how I could have a wonderful day then leave the nursing facility feeling drained. Normally, after my visits, I went home or to the woods. In the past, I never wanted to be alone, but that was how I felt I had to be. Recently, I didn’t feel that same tug of loneliness, and if I was going to be alone, I wanted to be alone with her.
I pulled into Kennedy’s driveway and put the truck into park. I headed up to her porch and rang the doorbell. When she answered, she was already in her pajamas, looking beautiful as ever.
“Hey, you.” She smiled. “How was your visit with your dad?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I was just hoping I could hang out here for a bit because I didn’t want to go home tonight. My mind is moving a bit fast after seeing the shape he’s in, so I thought maybe I could crash here for a while.”