Butterflies kicked around in my stomach. “That’s how he makes me feel: important, like I’m enough.”
“Because you are enough, Kenny. You always have been. I know you’ve been through some hard times, but in the end, I know they are going to make you stronger. I’m already so proud of the progress you’ve made.”
I looked down at the coffee swirling in my mug. “Sometimes, I think I was so foolish for staying away for so long. I could’ve been here with you and Nathan and healed much faster.”
“Nobody can make a person heal faster, but we sure as hell would’ve sat with you during the rain.”
Maybe that’s what it’s all about. Maybe it isn’t about getting to the sunlight, but being able to weather the storm with those you love most.
“I think I’m going to start seeing someone,” I said. “Jax mentioned how therapy helped him, and I think it might help unclog some of the mess built up inside my head.”
“I think that’s a brilliant idea. It takes a brave person to reach out for help. Just never forget that you aren’t alone in this world, Kennedy. I’ve got your back through thick and thin, and you know the most beautiful thing about it all?”
“What’s that?”
“We now have a team of angels watching over us each day. If that isn’t a blessing, I don’t know what is.”
* * *
That night, I thanked Jax with both my words and my body. I loved on him as if it was the only thing I was ever meant to do. Our bodies fit together so well, as if we were each other’s missing puzzle piece. I loved the way he loved me, both with his body and his words.
As we lay in bed, his phone dinged, and he sat up to see it. I saw the grave look on his face as he read the words before him.
“What is it?” I asked.
“It’s from Amanda about my father,” he said somberly. “He’s on life support, and it’s not looking good. They transported him to a hospital.”
“Oh my gosh, Jax. I’m so sorry.”
He began scrambling. “I have to get down there. I have to go see, I have to…” He began putting his clothes on, and his words were jumbled. “I need to—”
“Hey,” I said, stilling him by placing my hands on his shoulders. “It’s okay. I got you. I’ll drive you there.”
“No, I can’t ask you to do that. I know how driving is for you. I’m okay, I’m…”
“Jax, you’re not okay. You can’t drive right now. I got you. Give me your keys.”
He reluctantly handed them over, and we gathered our things before leaving. As I slipped into the driver’s seat, I took the deepest breath of my life. I’d have been lying if I said my nerves weren’t shot, but I had to get past that quickly, because in the passenger seat was a man who’d stood beside me during my storms, and now it was my turn to do the same for him. I turned the key in the ignition, put my foot on the gas, and away we went.
When we arrived, the outlook wasn’t good. Jax brought a book inside with him, and the doctors informed him that there wasn’t much time left for Cole, said Jax should prepare to say his goodbyes.
He didn’t say a word to his father about his feelings. He didn’t express his love or gratitude. He didn’t share stories about how his father had changed his life. Instead, he sat and read War and Peace. He read chapter after chapter until his emotions began to get the best of him. When it became too much, when the words wouldn’t fall from between his lips and the heartache began to drown him, I took the book from his grip, and I began to read the words for him.
32
Kennedy
Cole took his last breath on August 5th. I was there with Jax when it happened. We sat inside the hospital room, the nurses giving us space as Jax witnessed his father’s lungs inhale and exhale for the last time.
After it happened, Jax turned to me and lowered his voice. “Is it wrong that I’m somewhat relieved he’s gone? Is it selfish to think that he can no longer hurt me? Does that make me a monster?”
“No,” I said, taking his hand into mine. “It makes you human.”
The day of the funeral, the sun was out, but the world felt gloomy. It was a small gathering of people that met at the graveyard; Cole hadn’t wanted a ceremony. Jax’s brother, Derek showed up with his fiancée, Stacey. Eddie and Marie came, along with Connor, Yoana, and Nathan. Everyone who cared about Jax was there to surround him.
My heart began to skip a beat when I turned to see another figure walking toward us. Joy was approaching the cemetery, and when she reached us, she took a place right beside Jax.