Until Cece (Happily Ever Alpha World)

My heart swells inside my chest, and I’d give anything to kiss Winston right now for giving me the opportunity to make my girl so excited.

“I do.” I play it cool. “And what abooout… the one with black hair, wearing blue? He’s a cutie.”

“Oh, that’s Jungkook. He’s good at everything, so they call him the Golden Maknae, since he’s the baby of the group. So it’s like saying he’s the golden child,” she explains, and I watch her closely as I see if I can blow her mind.

“I think I’ll pick him as my wrecker.”

Just as I hoped, the surprise is clearly evident as it takes over her whole form, and she jumps down from her chair and launches herself onto the bed in front of me. I laugh as she squeals, “You know what a wrecker is too?” She starts to giggle. “What’s your favorite song? Have you been listening to them without me?”

“I’ve heard a couple now, and I think I like ‘Idol’ the best so far,” I reply, remembering the name of the song Winston played in his car that was so catchy.

“Ohhh, that’s such a good one!” she replies excitedly, and as she starts to ramble off random facts about the band, their songs, and K-pop in general, it takes all my strength to keep my chin from wobbling as the tears sting my throat. I haven’t seen this much life in my baby since the day her dad moved out.

Her movements are animated, and as she hops down from the bed to run over to her dresser and mess with her tablet as she continues her chatter, I just take it all in, unbelievably grateful for this innocent, easy, happy moment.

There’s also a sense of guilt trying to work its way in through the cracks, shaming me when I remember I could’ve been sharing this with Lola all these months if I’d just taken the time to really listen to her talk about the band she’s felt so passionate about. How many times could I have brightened her mood when she was so clearly feeling down when she’d come home from spending time with Mike? How many times could I have lifted her spirits by having her show me one of her favorite songs when she seemed almost depressed?

But as my big girl finally finds what she’s looking for on the tablet, setting it up on her dresser so I can see it’s the music video for a song called ‘Dynamite,’ my guilt recedes, and all I focus on is the joy I see on Lola’s face as she shows me she’s memorized the disco dance that the guys do.

A couple hours later, after Mike picks the girls up, Chaz tells us he’s taking Mom and me out to eat. Mia has gone to Talon’s parents’ house to meet his family, so it’ll be just the three of us.

“I wanna try Winston’s! After all the times I’ve heard you go on and on about how great the food is, I’m excited to try it,” Mom says, and my heart sinks to my stomach. It’s dinnertime, so of course Win will be there. I haven’t actually laid eyes on him since the night I ran away from him, telling him I couldn’t be around him anymore because it was too painful.

But I also don’t want to have to explain to my parents why I don’t want to go to a restaurant after I’ve raved about it since I started working here. An excuse about wanting to eat something different for a change would just seem selfish, when they clearly want to try out Winston’s cooking, so I just suck it up and nod. Hopefully he’ll be too busy in the kitchen and won’t even know I’m there. Hopefully, I won’t have to see him at all.

Even though I’d give anything to not only see him, but kiss him, be engulfed in his strong, caring arms, tell him everything that’s been going on since the last time we spoke, thank him for the knowledge he gave me about my daughter’s favorite band and share how thrilled she was tonight before she left. She was a brand-new child, just from getting to spread her love of those guys and their music.

Minutes later, it feels weird to walk into the restaurant and not head to the back to clock in and get ready for a shift. I smile at Sandy, our hostess, and she sits us at a booth near my usual section. I’m hyperaware of the bar and the door behind it. Every time it swings open, my eyes are drawn, both hoping it’s Winston coming out so I can see his handsome face, and praying it’s not. I doubt I’ll even be able to eat very much I’m so tense.