I sleep better when she’s near. But I can’t think about sleep right now. I can’t think about anything but showing this woman how much her tenderness means to me right now. How grateful I am she’s comforting me.
Even though I was an asshole earlier, I need to show her that that’s not the real me.
I trail kisses down her face, attempting to let her know she means so much.
“Your vulnerability turns me on,” she says, turning in bed to face me.
I just stare into her eyes, knowing that I don’t know if I can let her go at the end of the season. I don’t know if I can ever let this woman go.
I lean in, claiming her lips, tasting her against my own mouth.
She lays back, and I crawl on top of her, staring down into her beautiful eyes. “I need to be inside you,” I tell her, my body hardening the longer I stare.
She answers me with a kiss, and I let it overtake me. I let it tell me everything will be ok. I’m left believing that anything this woman does will make me happy.
I caress her skin, trailing my fingers down her cheek. “Monterey, I don’t know what you’re doing to me.”
Tears sting her eyes as she gazes up at me. “You’re doing the same thing to me.”
We remove our clothes, and I grab my dick in one hand, stroking it slowly. I line it up to her entrance, and push with one slow movement, entering her. She moans out, and I sigh with relief.
I love being inside her.
I love feeling her.
I love her.
Wait. I don’t do that shit. I don’t know how to love.
My heartbeat amps up, even though I know I want to take things slowly tonight, I’m not sure if I can. The need to feel all of her consumes me.
I thrust a little, pumping and moving, over and over. Her fingernails drag down my back, marking my skin. It’s like a wave of calm washes over me, my whole life leading up to this moment, is all calm now. It’s her. She does this to me.
She makes the madness disappear every time she touches me. I keep moving inside her and she spreads her legs even wider.
“You feel so good, Monterey. So fucking good.” And she does. It’s a feeling I’ve never known before. Sure, the physical aspect feels amazing, but there’s something more. Something deeper.
I kiss her again, our breath hot and mingled, mixing together in a lustful embrace. I could do this forever.
“Dylan, I’m so close.”
The fact she uses my real name when we’re this intimate isn’t lost on me, and it actually warms my chest and makes my body come alive just a bit more. I push a little deeper inside her, wanting her to feel every goddamn inch of me. Wanting her to never forget me.
Maybe I’m a selfish man, and I know she’ll move on from me, but I want her to remember me inside her every time another man touches her.
The thought of my sweet Monterey with another man enrages me, but I try to push it aside. It’s an inevitable fact that will one day play out.
I can’t be with her.
Period.
No matter how badly I may want to. I’ll never forget this, and I’m pretty sure Monterey has ruined me for other women. But, I can’t be stupid enough to know Monterey won’t move on from me. That one day she’ll marry someone for real, not this fake sham of a relationship we share. No, she’ll move on and she deserves it.
I pump a little harder, my mind a complete mess.
Monterey clutches my face with both hands. “Stay with me, Dylan. You keep going somewhere else.”
I stare into her eyes, mesmerized by their beauty. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t,” she whispers, but I know I will.
I lose everything I’ve ever loved.
Because that’s the hand life has dealt me. The realization that I love this woman, that I absolutely adore this woman, makes my heart slam around in my ribcage. I’m on fire as I pulse inside her, pushing even deeper still. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to shout them from the rooftops. But, I don’t. Instead I tell her how beautiful she is. I tell her how I’ve never met anyone quite like her before. I tell her how good she feels.
And of course, she moans and cries out her pleasure, but there’s still this sinking feeling deep within my chest. The feeling that this all is coming to an end. Like the life of a caterpillar knowing full well that one day he’ll lose it all and transform into something better. That’s how Monterey is, one day she’ll be this beautiful butterfly, flying away from me and she’ll finally have everything she deserves.