His face scares me a little. I study his eyes, the darkness dwelling beneath the surface and it breaks my heart. I read his father’s book. I could never imagine living that kind of nightmare.
I want to hug Danger. I want to imprint his soul to mine and never let him go. And in this moment, it’s the closest I’ve ever come to understanding the man. The nightmares he has in the middle of the night.
The everything.
And my heart cracks on the surface, moving deeper the longer I stare at him.
And for one second, I swear he looks like he wants to rush into my arms as badly as I want to hold him. Like a bird that’s been caged its whole life, and once freed falters a bit before flying freely.
I can see the exact moment he decides against coming to me for comfort. He turns, facing my father this time. “Luther, may I have a moment alone with your daughter?”
My father stares at me like a lost puppy, unsure if he should leave the room or stay.
I smile. “I’ll be ok.” I nod him away, letting him know I trust Danger.
“I would never hurt her,” Danger says, picking up on my father’s hesitation. Then, his eyes blaze into mine. “There’s no need to continue the farce.”
“Farce?”
“This fake relationship.”
Another crack straight down the center. “Danger, I…” I wait for my father to leave the room, thankful for the little extra time to craft a well-deserved explanation of why I want to continue the charade. Once he’s left, and I’m alone with Danger I face him. “Maybe...” but my words fall away, because he’s right, there’s zero reason to keep this going.
“There’s just no point.”
“You don’t need to quit because of this.”
“Yes, I do.”
I step an inch closer, craving for his warmth.
This isn’t wanting. It’s raw and primal.
“Danger, why didn’t you ever tell me. You knew I was reading that book.”
He laughs, but there’s no humor behind his laugh. “And what? Am I a broken man for you now? Fuck, can’t you see? I have nothing but a shitty past and no future.”
I move closer. “You are much more than that, Dylan. I could never think any less of you.” How could I? None of it was his fault. He can’t help the fact the man who raised him had an evil soul.
He shakes his head. “How could you ever trust a man that was raised in filth?”
“Don’t say that.” The tears have started, but somehow I’m able to keep them from spilling over.
“I could never be good enough for you. I could never give you what you want.”
My heart hurts at his words. How can he even believe this? “That’s not true.”
His dark eyes meet mine, and I can see the finality in them. There’s no changing his mind on this subject. “Monterey, you deserve better.”
“So do you. You deserve to win, and you’re in a very good position to do just that. Don’t let this deter you.”
He shovels a hand through his hair, making the dark strands even more messy. “Everything is over.”
I’m standing right in front of him now. One more inch and I could kiss him, if I wanted. And I do, more than anything. I wish in this moment right now, that Danger would wrap his strong arms around me and hold me tight, telling me everything will be ok.
But he doesn’t. And I don’t dare budge.
“The man I know would never let something like this stand in his way.”
His mouth lifts on one end into a slight smirk. “Guess you don’t know me that well.” And then he turns around and walks out of the room.
And I’m left heaving, the damn broken, and the tears spilling of their own free will.
I don’t even try to stop them now, letting them stain my cheeks with their salty burn.
I make the drive from Portland to LA with my father. My father handed Danger over to Crank, and together they flew back to LA.
Crank’s on strict orders not to let Danger out of his sight, but once they arrived at LAX, Danger disappeared.
He could be anywhere.
And there’s really no way for me to find him.
We have a week until the last race, and I don’t even know where to begin looking.
I head to my house, and once I arrive I take off my heels, and pour myself a glass of red wine. It’s been a long two days since I’ve seen Danger. Now that I’m back home in LA, I don’t know what to do with myself.
Normally, I’d start a bubble bath and read a steamy romance novel. But now, after being with Danger there’s no book boyfriend in the world that could ever compete with the real thing.
I push away the thoughts of fantasy, and sink into my comfy oversized chair and sip on my wine, pondering my heart out on where Dylan can be.