Danna huffs and puffs her way up the stairs, and I look on guiltily, wishing I didn't have to put her to the trouble. The room is as lovely as she described. There's even a simple glass decanter of water and glass on my bedside table. Exactly what I need to take my vitamins.
"Is there anything else you need?" Danna asks after explaining where the towels and toiletries are.
"I think I'm all set." I'm not usually a tactile person, but I'm struck with such an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness for my cousin that I put my arms around her. She hugs me back, tugging me against her belly, which is much firmer than I imagined.
"I'm really glad you're here," Danna says. "The Jacksons have taught me the importance of family. I mean, I knew before. Mom and Dad were always there for me when I was growing up, but the extended family had drifted. It's different now. We're all making more effort. I don't want you to go disappearing again. Promise me."
"I promise." As I'm pulling away, I feel a thud against my stomach, and Danna laughs.
"I think one of the babies was agreeing."
"Seriously. That was a kick? They must be turning your insides to jelly. Can I?" Reaching out my hand, Danna takes it and presses it to her belly. Another hard kick thuds against my palm. "Wow…" I'm actually so overwhelmed that tears spring to my eyes.
"It's amazing, isn't it?" Danna says.
"Amazing," I echo.
"Your baby will be doing this in a few months," she says. "I started feeling them at seventeen weeks. You know, I have a spare baby book downstairs if you'd like it. It's awesome to read about the development week by week."
"That would be great. Thanks."
Danna reaches out to hug me again. "You're going to do this, Maggie. Not only that, you're going to be an awesome momma."
More tears burn behind my eyes and in my throat. She's the first person to say it—the first person to think it, too. "I hope so," I say.
That night, as I toss and turn in the bed where my cousin's new life started, I try to imagine if any of what Danna said could be true.
11
Danna’s husbands are all out at work by the time I drag myself out of bed, so I get to eat a small breakfast with just Danna and Jackie. Saying goodbye to Danna is more emotional than I expected. She hugs me tight by the car as the morning breeze passes over us. It’s so tranquil out here and beautiful as the sun casts its morning light over the agricultural land. “It’s all going to work out okay,” Danna says. I’m not sure exactly what she’s referring to, but I’m happy to soak up her positivity and confidence.
As I’m sliding into the car, I think of a question I never got around to asking yesterday. “One more thing… it’s kinda personal.”
“That’s okay. We’re sisters from another mister, Maggie.”
“You know when you were getting together with the boys, did it happen all at once?”
Danna shakes her head. “It was kind of ad hoc. I bonded with them all over time and let what felt right happen. I think ten at one time would have been too much for me and too much for them. There can be a lot of pressure with sex and love. Just see how you feel, honey. Your heart will tell you the right path to follow.”
I nod, understanding a little more and feeling less daunted. But my heart has never seemed to have any sense of direction, and I wonder whether it really will find the right path if and when the time comes.
“Drive carefully,” Danna says. “And keep in touch. I want to know all of the gossip. Don’t leave anything out.”
“I will,” I say. “And good luck with the babies.”
“You’ll see me before then,” she says.
As I drive away, I glance back in the rearview mirror, finding my cousin waving.
The journey back feels longer, as I’m filled with nervous butterflies. The crazy idea that I overheard my foster brothers discussing no longer seems like a deviant fantasy but something that could be real and good. Danna’s life is a model to aspire to, and I never imagined I’d be thinking that after one visit.
Danna was in the same position as me, minus the pregnancy. She didn’t know the Jackson brothers, but she took a leap of faith, and it worked out. But Danna and I are so different. She’s bubbly, positive, and enthusiastic. She believed that she deserved all those men and that she was enough to make them happy. I certainly don’t have the same amount of self-confidence.
Danna is good for the Jackson brothers. She’s united them, and they are stronger together. I’ve never been able to keep one man in my life, not even my dad. What hope do I have for uniting eleven?