The Rule Breaker

Ollie presses his palm into my lower back to lead me to the hostess stand. It's a reassuring gesture. The gesture of a friend who knows I need comfort.

It doesn't matter that I want his hand under my jumpsuit.

It doesn't matter that I want his arms around me.

It doesn't matter that I want him to hold me all night.

"Locke party." He nods to the host. "Three of us."

He smiles at the hostess as she pulls menus and motions after you.

She leads us to a table in the back. One of those tables that's half bench, half chairs.

Divya is already here. On the bench side of the table.

She looks good. Happy even. Bright makeup, flowing maxi dress, wide smile. "Sweetie, I've missed you." She stands. Invites me into a hug.

I hesitate.

Oliver nudges me.

I give him a what look.

He nudges me again get your shit together.

Right. She's not the one having an affair. She's the one losing her wife and her family.

I move closer. Let my mom wrap her arms around me.

She smells familiar. Like the lotion she uses. The one that perfumes the bathroom upstairs.

It overwhelms me. That feeling of home, safety, comfort.

Then I hear those awful words—we're getting a divorce—and it disappears.

"I missed you too." I pull back. Swallow hard. I don't know if I can trust her. I want to. I really do. But what if she's been lying to me all this time?

"It's nice to see you, Mr. Flynn." Divya smiles at Oliver.

"Mr. Flynn? I could get used to that." He shakes.

She stage whispers to me. "He's always been a handsome young man, but he's bringing extra effort today."

"Mom!" My voice drops to a you're embarrassing me squeal. It's so normal and familiar and strange.

"I'm old, not dead?" she asks.

"What are you, thirty-five?" Oliver winks, suddenly full of charm.

Seriously, he never tries to charm me? Where did he get this reserve of flirting? Is he taking lessons from Holden?

"You don't even like men," I say.

"That doesn't mean I can't appreciate a handsome man." She winks at Oliver. "She hates when I talk about her boyfriends."

"OH MY GOD, MOM! He's not my boyfriend," I say.

"I know." Her dark eyes light up with mischief. "Do you think I'd let you stay with him if he was?"

"Lots of women my age live with their boyfriends," I say.

"Eighteen-year-olds with their boyfriends?" She raises a brow. "Really?"

"Trust me. I'd never date Luna," Oliver says.

"Hey!" I bump him with my shoulder. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Too much attitude." He motions to me. Makes a show of shaking his head. "See."

"You love my attitude," I say.

He smiles, unable to hide his affection. "It's more the looks."

"She's a beautiful young woman," Divya says. "She takes after her mother."

She means Allison. But I don't acknowledge that. Sure, I don't share any of Divya's DNA, but I take after her.

We're loud in dress, attitude, speech.

Maybe that's why…

Maybe Allison found an easier woman.

I swallow hard.

"You wear such different styles." He nods to Mom's flowing maxi dress. "But there's something about the way the look is put together. I can see where Luna gets it."

She smiles.

"And the makeup too. Did you teach her?" he asks.

"Are you sure he isn't your boyfriend?" she asks. "He's playing the part well."

He is.

He deserves a thousand coffees for this.

There's something about Ollie. His presence is comforting.

Somehow, I believe it's going to be okay.

"Are you doing okay with the Flynns?" She motions for us to sit.

We do.

I pick up the menu. Pretend as if I don't know what I want. "It's having someone my age around."

"You can come back home. When you're ready. I know you aren't, but you can." Hurt drops into her voice, but she swallows it.

"Not yet." Maybe in a few months. Or maybe less. I don't know. When this feels easier. When they're past the worst of it.

I can't watch them fight over assets.

Or divide things calmly.

Which is worse? The passion of a painful separation? Or the apathy over a mutual one?

Does it have to be apathy?

Maybe they agree. Maybe it's time. Maybe that's just how adult relationships work.

It's not I love you forever.

It's I love you until it's too hard.

They've got through hard before. They've been through so much. Why can't they get through this too?

"I know," Divya says. "Coffee first. She can never talk before coffee."

That is true.

"And she looks exhausted," Divya says.

"She does," Oliver agrees.

"Hey!" Levity drops into my voice. Maybe this can feel normal. For one hour. One hour of family brunch then back to I have to accept my family is never a single unit again. "I do not."

"Don't fish for compliments." Oliver nudges me toward the bench. "You know you're gorgeous."

Divya nods it's true.

"I didn't insist I'm gorgeous," I say. "I insisted I don't look tired. Of course, I know I'm gorgeous. I'm not blind."

Oliver chuckles.