Hold the Forevers

I cringed. The whole day was a disaster. It couldn’t get any worse.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

I closed my eyes. I’d spoken too soon. I peeled myself off of the chair and opened the front door.

Ash Talmadge stood on the front step in all his glory.

“Hey,” I said, holding the door open.

He entered, carrying a duffel bag and messenger bag. I looked past him in confusion.

“Where’s Charlie?”

Ash waited for me to look at him before responding, “We broke up.”

“On the way here?”

“Yesterday.”

He was so calm. But today was not the day. I was furious about Cole and Jess and everything I’d learned. I couldn’t deal with Ash too.

“And you’re here, why?”

Ash shot me that confident smile that normally worked quite well on me. But right now, it made me see red.

“What? I can’t stay?”

“No,” I snapped. “No, you can’t stay. The only reason I even let you come up is because you had a girlfriend.”

“Is there a reason I can’t stay now that I’m single?”

I glared at him. “Don’t. Just fucking don’t. I was being generous because I liked Charlie. I don’t like you.”

He didn’t even look offended. He didn’t believe me. “Come on, Lila. I thought we were past that. Friends.”

“We’re not friends. You know we’re not. Go stay with one of your other friends.”

“Their places are full. That’s why I needed to stay here.”

“Why Charlie needed to stay here! This has nothing to do with you.”

“Well, there’s nowhere else for me to stay.”

“Then, go home!”

That must have gotten through to him. Because that delicious smile slipped off of his mouth, and I saw the other side of Ash that I’d always known was lurking underneath. The one who dealt with his hard, traditional father and drugged-out mom. The one who knew exactly where to push to get the reaction he wanted.

“Why should it matter if I’m here? I thought you were staying with your boyfriend.”

I clenched my hands into fists. “Change of plans.”

I had no intention of telling him about Jess, but I didn’t want him here either. Even if Cole fucking deserved it for his bullshit.

“Trouble in paradise, love?”

“Go fuck yourself,” I snapped at him before turning on my heel and heading toward the stairs that led to my second-story room.

“Wait, wait,” Ash said, softening.

He grasped my hand, and sparks shot through my body. I hated that he could still draw that reaction from me. That the year apart hadn’t dampened anything between us. I yanked my arm back.

“I already had a ticket to the game. I didn’t think it would be a big deal since you’d be with Cole. If it’s a big deal, then I can try to find somewhere else to stay.”

“I’d appreciate that. If nothing comes up, you can crash. But it’s just the couch. There’s nothing … you know.”

His eyes smoldered at the insinuation. “I do know.”

Nothing would be happening with us. The whole thing would be easier if he wasn’t here. Because as much as I didn’t trust Jess with Cole, I didn’t trust myself alone with Ash either.

13

Athens

September 27, 2008

“This game is terrible,” Channing said. She leaned drunkenly on her girlfriend. “Mary Elizabeth, make it better.”

I laughed hysterically. Channing and I had gotten way too hammered, pregaming all day for the Georgia–Alabama blackout game. We’d gotten up at the ass crack of dawn to get on College GameDay and progressively gotten more intoxicated all day, waiting for the night game to start. And now, we were losing.

More than ninety thousand people in the stadium, the first official use of Georgia’s black uniforms, everyone screaming our heads off, and none of it mattered. Alabama was still running over us. It was embarrassing. If I didn’t love my team so much, I might have left after it started to look bleak. Worse than that, Cole looked terrible. Completely off his game. I’d been to every game this season and sat through hours of footage of him playing. But damn, today, he arguably looked like shit.

I wondered how much of that was due to our argument. If him dropping that last pass when he normally had sticky fingers was my fault. And if the whole damn game had gone to pieces over one stupid argument. I wanted to win. I didn’t want to be fighting with my boyfriend. But that was where we were. And frankly, there was nothing to do but sit by and watch the train wreck.

By the time they called the game, everyone was as beaten down as the team. We streamed out of the stands and headed downtown to drink away our despair.

“The rest of the girls said to meet them at Boar’s Head,” Channing said.

Channing tugged us farther down Jackson Street toward Boar’s Head—an enormous bar with a two-story outdoor patio packed to the gills and an underground bar, complete with pool tables, shuffleboard, and beer pong. We took the stairs to the basement bar. Half of the dance team was in attendance, shaking their asses to the rap music. We joined them on the floor while Mary Elizabeth went for shots with her sister. They returned a few minutes later, holding out shots to us.