“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. He’s all over you. What is going on over there?”
“Nothing!” I gasped. “Why would you think something was going on?”
“What is he doing there with you?”
“I already told you,” I snapped back. “He’s here with Tanner.”
“And you just let him hang all over you?”
“No! I didn’t.”
“You know that he wants to get with you.”
I did know that. There was no point in disagreeing.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“I don’t fucking know that!” he roared. “I’m thousands of miles away, in a shoebox apartment, and you’re out on a beach with your fucking ex! I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“It’s not my fault that you’re in San Francisco. And you shouldn’t blame me for something that isn’t even going to happen.”
“I know I chose this. I know. But I don’t want you near him.”
“God, don’t you trust me?” I asked.
“Of course I do.”
“Then trust me!”
“I don’t trust him,” he yelled. “And I haven’t trusted him since that night you came back with him.”
“Ugh,” I groaned. “Nothing happened then and nothing is going to happen now.”
“I don’t know that.”
“Then you’re a fucking liar,” I snarled. “And you don’t trust me.”
“I can’t do this, Lila,” he said, his own voice filled with a boiling anger.
We’d spent six months apart. I’d flown into San Francisco twice over the summer, and he’d come to Georgia once in August, but we hadn’t seen each other in months. The distance was taking a toll on the both of us. I missed him. He missed me. But missing each other didn’t seem to be enough when I was here on a beach with Ash and he didn’t trust me.
“What are you saying?” My voice was so small.
“I can’t sit here while you’re off, partying with him. I can’t do it.”
I swallowed hard as tears pricked my eyes. “Cole?”
“It’s not fair to either of us.”
“Stop,” I whispered.
“I didn’t think long distance would be easy, but it’s not working.”
“So what? You’re breaking up with me?” I cracked on the last line.
“Yeah, I guess I am.”
I didn’t even know what to say to that. A bomb had gone off in my chest. Like he’d scooped out my heart and left me empty.
“Don’t do this,” I whispered.
“It’s already done.”
I stared at the silent phone after we hung up. Then I sank to the ground and buried my face in my hands. It felt too unbelievable to cry. As if I’d walked into someone else’s nightmare. My boyfriend couldn’t have done that. We’d been through so much. More than two years, and now, gone … in a phone call.
“Lila?”
I lifted my head and found Ash hovering above me. “What?”
“You disappeared. Channing was freaking out.”
“Right. Tell her I’m fine. I had to take a phone call.”
Ash’s eyes slid over me, and he frowned. “Some phone call.”
“You have no idea.”
He sank onto the ground next to me. “Want to tell me about it?”
“Not really.”
He nodded, and we fell into silence. All around us, people were partying like the night would never end. If the world ended, this would be the place to be for it.
“I’ve seen that look on your face before,” he said softly after a few minutes.
I glanced at him hollowly, wondering if tears would ever breach the shock. “When?”
“Prom,” he said the word harshly. “I’ll never forget the way you looked at me that night.”
“You deserved worse.”
“Who deserves it tonight?”
Something broke in me at the question.
“Cole.” I choked on the word.
Ash wrapped an arm around my shoulders and drew me into him. I leaned my head against him, and we sat there for a few minutes until I was sure that the tears weren’t going to come after all.
Once I had to talk about it, that was when it would all hit me.
Ash finally straightened and pulled me to my feet. “I can’t be Marley and Josie for this. There’s no one to threaten to deck.”
I laughed a harsh, painful thing.
“But maybe we could dive back into the party, get wasted, and forget about tonight entirely?”
“I should probably just go upstairs.”
“Why? So you can obsess about it all night?” I opened my mouth to object. “Don’t tell me that you won’t. I know you will.”
“Fine. You think getting drunk will be better?”
“At least you’ll be numb.”
I took a deep, fortifying breath. “All right. This is stupid, but maybe I need to be stupid for a night.”
“That’s my girl,” he said with a broad smile.
Everything tightened in a tangled mess in my gut, and I had to look away from him. At the reason Cole had called in the first place.
But I let Ash drag me back to the party. And I drank enough that I didn’t remember the rest of the night … or the next morning.
17
Frat Beach
October 30, 2010
I woke up on a cloud. The bed was so comfortable and the comforter so lush that I was sure I’d never slept on anything this soft. Definitely not at the crappy hotel we’d gotten for the weekend.