Hold the Forevers

Maybe it was way better than I remembered. Though I couldn’t remember much from yesterday. It was a big blur.

I blinked against the light streaming in through the enormous glass windows in the bedroom. Then I froze. That definitely was not the right kind of windows from my hotel. And the room was shaped wrong, bigger, but missing a queen bed. And I was in a king.

Oh fuck.

My mind played catch-up with the rest of what my body was realizing. I rolled over and nearly jumped when I saw a body in bed next to me. A very naked body.

“Ash,” I gasped.

I nearly tumbled out of bed, taking the sheet with me and covering my own naked body. I hovered on the edge as his eyes fluttered open, bright blue.

He blinked a few times, as if he, too, needed a minute to recover. Then he smiled. “Lila.”

It was such an erotic sound that I actually did step off of the bed this time. “What am I doing here?”

He glanced around his hotel room with a yawn. Our clothes were strewn all over the floor, as if they’d been haphazardly thrown into positions across the room. When he looked back at me, it was with bedroom eyes.

“We both know the answer to that.”

I shook my head. “No. This couldn’t have happened.”

“It definitely happened. Don’t say you don’t remember.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, and it all rushed back. His mouth on mine and that tongue doing unspeakable things. His hands on my body and him inside of me.

I shuddered and took another step back. “Oh God.”

He scooted closer to me and held his hand out, as if I’d get back into bed with him. “Come on. It’s not like it was bad.”

“I have a boyfriend!” I yelled.

“Had.”

“What?”

He arched his eyebrows. “You had a boyfriend.”

And then that memory hit me too. The phone call. I nearly wept, but I was too horrified with what had happened to do anything at all.

“I can’t believe we did this.”

He dropped his hand back to his side. “Don’t regret this, Lila.”

“Too late.”

“It was too serendipitous for us to not end up right here. I had no idea you were here, and then you’re newly single in the same instant. Can’t you see that we’re meant to be?”

“All I can see is that I was drunk and hurting, and you took advantage of that.”

“Advantage?” he said in disgust. “I didn’t take advantage of you. I comforted you when that asshole had the fucking nerve to break up with you over the phone.”

“Don’t try to get on your high horse,” I snarled. “As if you have no sins at your feet.”

“I have plenty. But I’m not going to keep hiding behind them, Lila. I want you. I’ve always wanted you. And I won’t apologize for having you when you needed me.”

“I was drunk and hurting. You should have put me to bed and let me sleep it off. That’s what I needed! I needed you to say no!”

“I’ll never say no to you.”

And he said it with so much force that I immediately knew it to be true. Ash would never say no to me. Not in any situation. Definitely not this one.

Still, it frustrated me. That he couldn’t see what I’d needed and had taken what I’d offered instead. I was responsible too, of course. It hadn’t happened by itself, and I’d regret it happening forever. But it didn’t absolve him either.

I huffed and looked away from him. I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t be here any longer.

I dropped the sheet. It was pointless anyway; Ash had seen me completely naked more times than I could count. Then I went in search of the rest of my clothes.

“What are you doing?” he asked, grabbing his boxers and tugging them on.

“Leaving,” I said as I pulled my clothes on.

“Don’t storm out of here. I can drive you back to your hotel.”

“I’d rather walk.”

“Lila—”

“Don’t,” I snarled at him as he came closer. “Just … don’t.”

Ash must have heard the desperation in my voice because he stopped moving. He watched me gather my things and leave. All the while, I avoided his gaze, so I wouldn’t have to see what he was thinking. I couldn’t stomach it right now.

The walk back to my hotel was farther than I remembered. But the fresh air, even for a walk of shame, helped to clear my head. I still felt like shit. I wasn’t sure if it was from all the alcohol yesterday or the breakup or what I’d woken up to. Either way, it was terrible. Every last part of it, and not even the sea breeze could put it all back together.

Channing and Kandice were still sleeping when I crept back into the hotel room. Denise was nowhere to be found. I breathed a small sigh of relief. At least I wouldn’t have to explain myself to anyone.