Hold the Forevers

“So proud of you, honey,” my mom said. She kissed my cheek as we made it inside. “I’ll text you where we’re seated so that you can find us.”

“You’ll be hard to miss.”

She laughed. “We’re going to cheer like crazy for you!”

I believed her. “Keep an eye on Josie.”

“She’s in good hands.”

Marley squeezed my shoulder. “I’m so excited for you.”

Unlike Josie and me, Marley was heading to Harvard after graduation for her PhD. I’d always known she was a genius, but she was still just Marley to me. I’d gone to her graduation the weekend before at Duke. My nerves were shot the entire time as I anticipated running into Ash. He had also graduated that weekend, but somehow, I’d never seen him. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not.

“Love you, Mars.”

She hugged me tight, and then I left my family and walked down to the field, where thousands of seats had been set up for spring commencement. Channing and I had agreed to meet at one corner so that we could sit together. She was moving to Austin, so she’d dumped Kandice two weeks ago. If anything, I was the reason she’d decided long distance wasn’t going to work. Either way, I was going to miss her so much.

“Let’s find some seats!” she said, clutching my hand and dragging me down the long aisle toward the front.

UGA graduation was an enormous affair. Each college had their name called, and then as a whole everyone stood to be recognized before sitting back down. The individual college graduations were more important for a lot of the smaller majors, like mine. I’d graduated from the College of Education with my bachelors in Exercise and Sports Science yesterday afternoon, but something about being back in Sanford made it feel official.

Channing and I found empty seats and plopped our hats on our heads.

“So, are you ready for the big Atlanta move?” she asked.

We’d packed up our apartment together all week. I couldn’t possibly believe that she was going to be in Austin, and I wouldn’t come home to her cooking for me every afternoon or that we wouldn’t have late-night shenanigans downtown or Thursday night movie nights after basketball games.

“Define ready,” I said.

“Girl, you need some more pep in your step. You’re a Falcons cheerleader! It’s kind of a requirement.”

A shiver shot through me. Channing had convinced me to audition for Falcons cheer, but I had never in a million years thought that I’d make it. But four years on the dance team had prepared me for the opportunity, and now, I’d be on the sidelines every home game all season. I was more excited about that than my full-time job in a physical therapist’s clinic or my part-time job as an athletic trainer at a local gym.

Neither were exactly where I wanted to be, but I’d decided to take a year off of school before jumping into physical therapy school. I wanted to make sure that it was definitely what I wanted to do before dedicating the next three years of my life to it.

I shook off my disappointment. It wasn’t like I had to decide what to do with the rest of my life at twenty-two. I was just getting started after all. Even though all my other friends knew exactly where to turn didn’t mean that I was an outlier. Maybe they were.

I’d always thought PT was my dream, and now, I was floundering a bit. I hoped that the next year in a physical therapy clinic would bring back the certainty that I’d had when I chose my major.

My mom texted me to look up into the stands. Channing and I found them and waved like crazy. Then graduation started. We sat through the speeches and stood when our colleges were called. All my sisters, Josie, Marley, and my mom stood up and screamed as loud as they could when I got off of my chair. I couldn’t stop laughing at their antics. I was both moved and embarrassed. God, I loved them.

Hats were thrown.

Hugs were exchanged.

Graduation was over.

Channing and I agreed to meet downtown tonight, and then I left her to find my family. I approached them in the stands. My heart constricted. I loved each and every one of them, but God, I wished the men in my life had stayed too. Ash and Cole were gone. I wasn’t sure I’d completely accepted that until this moment. Because otherwise, they’d have done anything to be here. They’d always been like that.

The hardest part of it all was that another graduation had gone by, and my dad still wasn’t here. I hadn’t expected him to be here, but still, I’d hoped.

My thoughts were intercepted by Eve all but tackling me. Elle and Steph followed.

“You did it!” Eve shrieked.