Hold the Forevers

I nodded. “Cool. Nice meeting you.”

“Um … nice to meet you too,” Heather said uncertainly.

It was so uncomfortable that there wasn’t another real answer.

“Have a nice Easter,” I told her, and then without looking at Ash, I strode down the steps and rushed to my mom’s car. I waited for her there without looking up. Just played some stupid game on my phone.

A text came in while I was still waiting.

Sorry that was awkward. I’d planned to tell you about Heather.

I hadn’t responded in over a year. It was a record.

I was about to break it.

Go back to your girlfriend.

It’s not like that.

What the hell did that mean? Why was he so maddeningly cryptic?

Like I said, we’re complicated.

At least you’re responding again.

I growled and almost flung my phone. The man was infuriating.

My mom returned then, and I stuffed the phone in my bag without responding. We went back to our house, but my sisters had to go home. They promised to be back for dinner with their families. Our house couldn’t accommodate everyone anymore, but my mom still hosted.

“Dee,” my mom said once we were back inside.

I checked my phone once more and saw three more texts from Ash. He had been right. The mistake had been in responding.

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“What’s up?”

I settled into the lumpy chair that was my favorite in the house and yawned.

“Well, I have some news.”

My mom looked nervous. My mom never looked nervous.

“What kind of news?” I straightened in my chair.

“I don’t know how to tell you this. So, I’m just going to say it. My kidney is rejecting.”

My jaw dropped, and my vision went blurry. “What?”

“We knew this day would come,” she said with all her practiced calm. “I had the kidney transplant right after you were born. Most transplanted kidneys only last twelve to twenty years from a live donor.”

And I was twenty-two. She’d gotten more use out of it than they’d expected. But I still hadn’t thought about it. Of course my mom took anti-rejection medication every day and would for the rest of her life. We’d all hoped the medicine would do its job forever. That wasn’t realistic.

“Yeah, we knew that, but I didn’t know it would be now.”

“Me neither.”

“What does this mean, going forward?”

I suddenly saw the weight my mom had been holding since I got here. She hadn’t told me until now, right before I was going to leave. Everyone else must already know.

“It means that I’m back on the donor list.”

My vision went black. “But … you might never find a match! How long do you have?”

“I have enough time to be on the list.”

“Well, I’ll go get tested.”

My mom reached out and took my hand. “No, I could never ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking. I’m telling you.”

She shook her head. “A parent should never have to take something like that from their child. You have a long life ahead of you.”

“You’re only in your fifties,” I argued. “You still have a full life ahead of you. Don’t talk like that.”

“That’s what the list is for, Dee.”

“But isn’t it likely that one of us is a donor? Have Steph and Eve and Elle gotten tested?”

“I told them not to.”

I jumped to my feet. “And since when have they ever listened?”

“Dee, please, it’s a lot to take in right now. I know it’s upsetting, but we can get through this together.”

“And you?” I asked, my voice catching. Tears coming to my eyes. “What’s it going to be like for you while you wait?”

My mom’s jaw set. “I can live a normal life. It’s going to depend on how long the transplant takes. I’ll have more appointments, dialysis.”

“Oh God,” I whispered. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “Mom …”

“I know, honey. But it’s going to be okay.”

And she sounded so calm.

Like it really was all going to be okay.

The news was too fresh for me. She must have found out weeks ago to already be on the transplant list. She had waited to tell me in person. And now, it all hurt too much.

I pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too.”

“I just … I need to process this.”

“I understand. Your sisters needed time too.” She stroked a hand down my hair. “I’m going to start making Easter dinner. Maybe you should call your sisters and talk to them about this. It’ll help you.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Maybe.”

I watched her walk away with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to be there for my mom. I couldn’t let her deal with this alone. But she seemed determined to appear as if everything were fine. I knew it couldn’t possibly be.

I snatched my purse and keys off of the front table and headed out to my car. I skipped a text and called Ash before I could stop myself.