Hold the Forevers

“Hey, Ash,” Mars said. “Mind if we steal Lila for a minute?”

“Yeah, we’ll be real quick. Girl business.” Josie waggled her eyebrows.

“Sure,” he said, kissing my cheek. “But bring her back in one piece.”

“We’ll try our best,” Josie said.

We all watched as my groom disappeared down the street. Practically a skip in his step on the way to our rehearsal dinner. Meanwhile, I was standing in front of the church, trying not to have a panic attack.

“What happened?” Josie demanded as soon as he was out of earshot.

I threw the book into her hands. “That happened.”

Marley raised her eyebrows. “Doesn’t Ash always give you copies of Little Women?”

“Yes,” I said. I shook my hands out and tried to keep my panic under control.

“Always your Laurie,” Josie read aloud. “Are you Jo or Amy? Doesn’t he propose to one sister and marry the other? Isn’t that fucked up?”

“Focus, Josie,” Marley snapped.

“Cole gave me that book. That exact book. The same binding and gold letters and gold pages. He knew I loved the book but didn’t know about my connection to it with Ash. So, Cole got me a special-edition copy.” I pointed at it. “That copy.”

“Shit,” Josie muttered.

“Did Ash know?”

“No. I … I hid it when we moved in together. It’s in a box. But … fuck.” I walked away from them and paced back. “Is this a sign? It’s the day before my wedding, and the universe is pointing at Cole.”

“The universe isn’t doing anything,” Marley said calmly. “It’s a coincidence.”

“A big fucking coincidence.”

“Do you still love Cole?” Josie asked.

Marley shot her an angry look.

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. “Don’t ask me that.”

“This is just nerves,” Marley insisted. “Tell her, Josie. Weren’t you nervous before your weddings?”

Josie arched an eyebrow. “I’m not nervous before anything.”

Marley huffed. “It’s cold feet,” Marley said. “It’s normal.”

“Unless it isn’t,” Josie said softly.

“Jesus, could you be helpful? She’s having a panic attack.”

“I am being helpful. I’m being realistic. You’ve loved both of these boys for years. It’s not unusual that you might be having second thoughts right before the wedding. Especially with this,” she said, holding up the book, “in your face. That doesn’t mean you should act on them. It just means you should think about them. You can think about them with us. We won’t judge you.”

“I do still love Cole,” I said softly, the words tumbling out. “I haven’t seen him since I got engaged. I didn’t want him to freak out.”

“He would have,” Marley said.

“I know.”

“And now, you’re marrying his mortal enemy tomorrow. How does that make you feel?”

I shrugged. “Ash isn’t my enemy. I love him too. I want to marry him.”

“Then that’s your answer,” Josie said, handing me back the book.

Was it that simple?

“I agree,” Marley said. “It’s been a rough path, but you’re here. You’re freaking yourself out because you still have feelings for Cole, and there’s no closure. You don’t need that closure to move on.”

I nodded, hoping they were right. But I could already feel my stomach subsiding, my panic disappearing. I felt more like me again. I’d had a meltdown for no reason. It wasn’t like Cole was going to show up tomorrow or anything. He didn’t even know about the wedding.

“Okay. Let’s go to the dinner.”

“I do have to tell you,” Josie said as the three of us linked arms, “your future mother-in-law is a total bitch.”

We all laughed. At least we could agree on that.

41

Wedding Day

June 15, 2019

Every girl dreamed about her perfect wedding.

But I hadn’t dreamed of white dresses or bouquets or I dos. And when it came right down to it, I’d never imagined my future husband. What he’d look like or what he’d wear or how he’d smile when he saw me that first time.

Because for so long, there hadn’t been just one face in my life … but two.

Two faces. Two outfits. Two smiles.

Two men.

Cole and Ash.

Ash and Cole.

It felt surreal that today of all days, I was going to marry one and not the other. But it was here, and there was no looking back. I’d made my decision. In the end, we’d all made this decision. With our actions and our broken promises. We’d walked right up to today and let it happen.

I wasn’t the typical blushing bride. There would always be a part of me wondering if I’d done the right thing, chosen the right guy. If all the hell that we’d gone through together to get here had been worth it.

But I didn’t have cold feet. I was ready for this.

Except now, my bridesmaids were missing.

I stuck my head out of the bridal suite. My three sisters sat at a table in varying shades of red. Two in floor-length gowns and one in a red suit jacket. They were all matrons of honor for this affair, but they wouldn’t be standing at the altar with me. They’d be seated in the first row.