He rolled away, leaving the bed and going into my bathroom. He came back, the condom gone, and slid back into bed, dragging me close. I rested my head on his chest and sighed in contentment as he ran his fingers through my hair.
“I’ve had to learn to be standoffish. It’s how I’ve survived life.”
I peeked up, seeing his frown. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t really want to get into my past right now, Gracie.”
“All right.” I laid my head back down, stroking his chest in lazy circles.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked.
“No.”
For a moment, the room was silent. It felt right, having him here. Being in his arms. I felt safe and protected. I knew he was holding back, but I hoped in time he would confide in me. I had told him about what happened to me as a child. Outside my family and the counselor I went to, few people knew. People rarely noticed. In most cases, it was easy to “forget” something and tell them I would meet them. They would leave, and I would prepare myself to get on an elevator. Or in rare cases, I could suffer through a short ride if I had to. These days, the explanation of “I’ll take the stairs,” was accepted more readily. They assumed I was a health nut. I had learned many ways to disguise my fear. I had come a long way over the years, but I had accepted that perhaps I would never fully recover from the trauma and had instead learned coping techniques.
Jaxson had noticed immediately. He was observant and clever. He had also been as closely attuned to me as I was to him—something I hadn’t experienced with anyone else.
He brushed his lips across my crown.
“I don’t believe in forever, Grace. I don’t think there is one. People come and go from our lives, and that is the way of the world. Everyone had a use, and when it’s done, it’s done.”
I pushed myself up on my elbow. “I don’t believe that. Love exists. Forever exists.”
He shook his head, smiling sadly. “I won’t argue with you because that is how it is in your world. You are one of the lucky ones. But in my world, in my life, everything has a time limit.”
“Even me?”
He gentled his voice. “Even you. Once your articling is done and you leave the firm, your path will take you away and onto new things.”
“How can you say that after what we experienced? Dismiss whatever this is between us?”
“It’s called lust, Gracie,” he stated firmly. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ears. “It’s intense for both of us, but that’s all it is. You deserve the world. A man who can love you completely and fully. Give you everything. I’m not that man, Grace. I don’t have it to give you. All I have to give you is my body and a limited amount of time.” He touched my chin. “If you can accept that, you have me. If not, I understand.”
He believed what he said. He honestly felt that way, but he was so wrong. I had seen the man he hid behind the cold exterior. I felt his passion. His care. He told me he had spent hours researching claustrophobia to try to help me. Someone who didn’t care wouldn’t do that. He had spent so many years denying his feelings, he couldn’t recognize them. I was convinced of that fact. I had to be patient and let him figure it out. Figure us out.
Good thing I had lots of time and patience to give him. I would prove to him that he was wrong.
I leaned up and kissed him. He groaned as I slid my tongue into his mouth, silently giving him his answer.
I could only hope, in the end, my instincts were right.
Chapter 9
Grace
The next morning, Jaxson sipped his coffee, looking at me over the rim. “Gracie,” he began, a frown on his lips.
“Don’t. Don’t say you regret last night.”
“No. I don’t. Not even close. But I want to go home.”
I felt a frisson of hurt in my chest. “Oh.”
He shook his head. “That came out wrong. I want to go home and get clean clothes. Your toothbrush and shower were appreciated, but I don’t want to spend the weekend in my suit.”
“What about your birthday suit?” I teased. “I’m good with that.”
I liked looking at him naked. He was incredibly fit, and I enjoyed watching him move.
He leaned back in his chair with a smirk. He was wearing his dress pants but nothing else. His pecs and thick arms were on display, his pants hanging low on his hips. Even his bare feet were sexy, the skin smooth, the toenails tidy. He admitted to having a fondness for pedicures and manicures.
“I like my hands to look good, and once I had a pedicure, I was hooked. I like my feet smooth,” he confessed. “I suck with nail clippers and constantly had ingrown toenails. Now I’m good.”