“Of course. I married her.”
“We both know marriages happen for many reasons.”
“I didn’t blackmail her.”
“I know that. She loves you very much.”
I had no idea how to reply. She smiled and finished her coffee. She leaned her elbows on the island and rested her chin in her hands.
“Gracie tells me you are not much for expressing feelings.”
“Ah…”
“Neither was Richard. Even after we fell in love. It was hard for him.”
“Some of us are simply not capable,” I said, hoping she would take the hint that I didn’t want to have this conversation.
She didn’t.
“He grew more comfortable with words. Showing his feelings.” She tilted her head. “I think that is how you express yours, Jaxson. You show them.”
“I’m sorry?”
“The way you care for Gracie. You watch her. Anticipate her needs. You played Santa for her to make her happy and give her back a memory. You were there yesterday, searching for her.” She indicated the full room behind the wall. “You let her family overtake your space even though it makes you uncomfortable.” She paused. “Because of your past history with your own family.”
“She needed to see them,” I said stiffly.
“And you needed her to be happy.”
“Yes.” The word was torn from my throat.
“That’s all we want, Jaxson. For her to be happy. If it’s you who makes her so, then we’re good.”
I met her brilliant blue gaze that was so like Gracie’s. “And if I don’t?”
“Then let her go.” She slipped from the chair. “It’s very simple. Showing love and feeling love, they go hand in hand. But if you can do one and not the other, then it will never be enough.”
“It’s only a word,” I argued. “Four letters.”
“No, Jaxson, that is where you are wrong. It is a spoken vow. A promise. Those four letters can encompass our entire world and change it.” She paused. “You know, when Gracie was born, it changed Richard. It was as if she had unlocked something in him, and all the love he had kept deep inside him exploded and he couldn’t contain it anymore. She had that effect on him as a baby.” She smiled and patted my cheek as she went by. “Maybe she can do that again.”
And she left me alone, the thoughts in my head now chaotic and loud.
I cared for Grace. More than I had ever cared for another person in my life. I wanted her in my life. I liked being with her. But love? Was I capable of that? A few months ago, the answer would have been an emphatic no.
But now?
I had a feeling peace wouldn’t find me again for a long time.
Grace
“It killed me to do it, Grace.”
“She saw us.”
“Protect you.”
“Anything. I would do anything for you.”
I opened my eyes, confused, and looked around. I was in Jaxson’s apartment, in his bed. Alone. I rubbed my head, wondering what I had been dreaming about. More snippets of conversation played through my mind.
“Always been alone.”
“I can’t love, but you make me want to.”
It was Jaxson’s voice in my head. His words pushing through the memories. But when had he said them?
Vague images pricked at my mind.
Jaxson in front of me, holding a glass high above my head. “No more, Grace. You’re drunk.”
“I like being drunk. I don’t have to care then.”
“Care about?”
“Saying the right thing. Doing the right thing. I can do what I want.”
“And what do you want?” he asked, an indulgent look on his face.
“To kiss you.”
I touched my mouth, somehow feeling the possession he had shown when he had yanked me close and kissed me.
That was in Vegas. It was the first time I had remembered anything from that night. Was it starting to come back?
I sat up and glanced at the clock. It was late afternoon, the sun already setting. After everyone had left, Jaxson had insisted I lie down. I was exhausted, so I didn’t argue much. I had a shower before I did, the scent of smoke still lingering in my hair. I slid from the bed and padded down the hall to the kitchen where I could hear Jaxson moving around. He looked up as I walked in.
“Hey.”
“Hi. Something smells good.”
“Since your family brought the equivalent of a grocery store with them, I thought I would make dinner.” He slid a tray into the oven. “Feeling better?”
“I think so. The nap was good, and the shower I had got rid of the last of the smell, I think.”
He tossed the oven mitt on the counter and came closer. Bending low, he slid his fingers through my hair and buried his face into the waves, inhaling deeply. I shivered as he glided his lips along my ear and down my neck, darting out his tongue and brushing it along the sensitive skin.
“You smell like Gracie,” he murmured. “Light, sweet, perfect.”