The Crush

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands, destroying all evidence of my transgression before heading back out. With my head still stuck up my ass, I nearly forgot the entire reason I came home in the first place. But I didn’t. Stopping in my room, I picked up my wallet from the desk before returning to the living room.

Farrah lifted her foot behind her back as she stretched.

When she spotted me, she set her leg down. “You good?”

“Yeah. I’d better get going.”

“It was nice having company while it lasted.” She smiled. “We should do it again sometime.”

No fucking way unless you blindfold me and cut my dick off. I nodded. “See you later.”

By the time I got back to the job site to drop off Nathan’s lunch, it had been over an hour.

“What the hell? Did you go to Africa for lunch or something?”

I shrugged. “Sorry.”

Wouldn’t the truth have been interesting?

Well, Nathan, I went home to get my wallet and instead decided to partake in cunnilingus yoga with your sister. Then I locked myself in the bathroom and jerked off. Here’s your sandwich. Enjoy.

• • •

The following day, my father was released from the hospital after his final round of chemo. I’d decided not to bother him with work stuff while he was hospitalized, but I needed to talk to him now that he was home.

When I arrived, my mother was out running errands, so I was happy to have the alone time with him. It was our first opportunity to really talk since the day I’d learned the real reason behind the company’s financial problems.

Pacing in my dad’s room, I took a deep breath and told him exactly what I thought about what he’d done. Then I went through it again, just to get it all off my chest. When I finally came up for air, he looked a little shell-shocked.

“I’m so sorry to have disappointed you, son. I’m sorry I wasn’t a stronger person. And I’m sorry I put the company in jeopardy.”

While I tried not to yell, I couldn’t help the harshness of my tone. “It’s not even the gambling so much as the fact that you kept this from me. You let me uproot my life to come here to help you. I didn’t know I was walking into a clusterfuck.” I pulled on my hair. “How the hell are we supposed to come up with that money?”

“We have options. We have the house.”

The house? “Mom has to suffer for your misgivings? I’m not letting you sell our family home. That’s not an option.”

“When I explained to her what I’d done, she was upset, but she accepted my apology. She said she’d be willing to sell this place and downsize.”

I sighed. “Well, let’s keep that as a last resort. I have an appointment at the bank tomorrow to talk about a business loan. If we get approved, that’s the answer. But my question to you is, how do I know this won’t happen again when you’re healthy enough to be out and about?”

“I promise you, I’ll seek therapy. I won’t even resume my position until I’m confident I won’t do any further harm to the company. I know you’ve sacrificed a lot to come here. And I’m very sorry to have dragged you into this.”

It was hard to be mad at him when he seemed so weak. “I just wish I’d known so I could’ve helped you.”

“Me too, son.” He examined my face. “How are you doing?”

“What do you mean ‘How am I doing?’ Isn’t it obvious? I’m fucking pissed.”

“I didn’t mean in terms of this situation. I know you’re upset. I mean in general.”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Fine. I guess.”

“You still living with Nathan?”

“Yeah. I’m mainly doing it to help him out, but honestly, it’s the best thing for now. I don’t want to commit to any property until I know whether I’m staying. After this fiasco, I might just get myself a one-way ticket out of here and say fuck it all.”

“You know you can do that, right? No one is making you stay here.”

My voice rose again. “Then what? Who’s gonna run the company while you’re sick? Who’s gonna be here for Mom? It’s not like Kenny or Thomas is gonna step up to the plate. It’s just me.”

My two older brothers, Kenny and Thomas, were my dad’s children from his previous marriage. They were ten and eleven years older than me, and both had gotten into trouble with drugs over the years. Neither had finished school, and the only time I ever saw them was when they were trying to mooch money off of my parents. For the most part, I was an only child. I’d vowed not to be anything like them, so I’d always excelled at school and sports, and when I left home for college, I promised to make something of myself, not be a burden on my parents. Before leaving Charlotte, I’d been thriving in my property manager position. It was a job where I could have continued to grow. But my time there ended when I tried to do the right thing in coming home to help Dad. He’d certainly made me second-guess that decision.