The Crush

No way was I going to fuck up again. I needed to keep my feelings tucked inside where they belonged—and my dick tucked away, too, while I was at it.

Today after work, I forced myself to pay a visit to my parents to avoid running into Farrah. I knew I couldn’t stay away from the house forever, but I would until the tension between us blew over a little. It might have been dumb to assume it would just go away, but I was hopeful.

My father was sitting up in bed when I arrived.

I knocked lightly on his door. “What’s up, old man? How are you feeling?”

“I’ll be better if you tell me we were approved for the loan.”

Sitting down on the chair next to his bed, I rubbed my temples. “The bank is taking its sweet time to get back to me. They asked for a couple more pieces of info, and I had Kristy pull what they needed. Hopefully we can get that straightened out.”

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done.”

I nodded. “Let me ask again… How are you feeling?”

“I’ve been feeling sicker at night, but overall, I can’t complain. Your mother takes good care of me.”

“Her cooking would cure any ailment.”

“It’s not just her cooking.” He winked.

“Excuse me while I go throw up.”

“You know your father’s a horn dog,” my mother said from behind me. She had apparently been standing at the door.

Like father, like son. Wasn’t it my dick that ultimately led me to The Iguana the other night? Infatuation is like an addiction.

Granted, I wouldn’t characterize my feelings for Farrah as an addiction at Dad’s level. But so far, I hadn’t been able to shake her from my thoughts. I wished it were easier to forget about her.

“Hey, Dad. Let me ask you something.”

“What is it, son?”

“I know you have the best of intentions when it comes to stopping the gambling, but how exactly do you plan to do it? I mean, you say you’re gonna get help and you won’t do it again, but if something is that difficult to resist, how do you really know you can stop?”

Asking for a friend.

He sighed. “I don’t have any guarantees that I won’t slip. I just pray to God that I can do it. The main thing is keeping myself out of the atmosphere that would trigger me. That means never stepping foot into a casino again. There’s still online gambling, of course, but that was never my thing. There’s nothing like the rush of being at the tables. Undoubtedly, it’s not going to be easy, but I suppose you have to get to a point where you’re willing to experience suffering in order to do what’s best for your family.”

Nodding silently, I soaked up my dad’s words. They reminded me of a show I used to watch, Intervention, where drug addicts were confronted by family members about going to treatment. At least half the time the person featured in the show relapsed. Addictions were hard to break, even if everything was on the line. And I worried whether my need to protect Nathan would be enough to keep me away from Farrah. I could relate to being tempted into self-destructive behavior, even if it hurt people. Dad had a point, though, about keeping yourself out of the environment. Maybe I needed to consider moving out of Nathan’s as soon as he found a job.

My mother interrupted my thoughts. “Did Nathan ever call Jack McGrath about the Ford dealership position?”

Speak of the devil. “I gave him the information. He told me he would. I hope it works out. He’s been really down about not having a job.”

“Well, tell him to think positively and it will happen.”

I chuckled. “You sound like Farrah.”

“Why is that?”

“When I told her about Muldoon’s financial situation, that’s exactly what she told me—to imagine that coming up with the money would be easy and somehow I could manifest it.”

“Smart girl,” my mother said. “Sounds like she’s learned to turn lemons into lemonade over the years. That’s the difference between someone who says ‘woe is me’ when they’re dealt something unfair versus a person who perseveres. A great attitude is everything.”

“Well, I know she’s hiding a lot of pain,” I said. “But she does the best she can. She tries to be strong for Nathan.”

“You said she’s not in college, right?”

“No. She’s not.”

“You should encourage her to enroll.”

That’s right, Jace. You should be mentoring her, trying to get her in school...not stalking her and fantasizing about sleeping with her.

“Maybe I will. I know she took some classes at the community college, but that’s not the same. She has this law firm secretarial job that pays decently, considering she doesn’t have a degree. It’s enough to get by, but I think she knows she’s limiting her potential by not continuing her education.”