I nodded. Despite my best efforts, I’d likely be on it, too.
Chapter 11
* * *
Farrah
Dr. Stein scribbled something on a piece of paper. “Why do you think you decided to talk to someone at this point in your life? It’s been a while since your parents passed. Why not sooner?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer, but I did my best to figure it out. “It’s always been hard for me to open up to anyone, in general,” I began. “But recently I’ve felt very out of control in terms of my emotions—and my actions. I feel like I need someone to keep me in check. I haven’t ever felt quite like this—not even right after my parents died. I’ve come close to making some rash decisions that could’ve been very damaging to the people I love.”
About a week after my last encounter with Jace, I’d decided to make an appointment with a therapist. It had been a long time coming, something I probably should’ve done right after my parents died. But I was always afraid of what would happen, that all of the raw emotions would be too overwhelming if brought to the surface. But after getting up at The Iguana, I had a newfound confidence.
Dr. Alicia Stein had been recommended by one of my co-workers. She had a nice demeanor and was very patient. This was my third meeting with her. The first couple of sessions had been spent talking about my parents’ death and working through some of those feelings. Today she’d shifted the focus to my current state of affairs.
“Tell me what’s going on with you now. The last time we spoke, you had just met someone online.”
“Yeah…Colton. He actually dropped me off here. He’s really nice. I’ve only been seeing him for a couple of weeks, though.”
“You’ve obviously grown close to him in a short amount of time if he’s driving you to your therapy sessions.”
“Actually, my car is a piece of crap and stopped working again, so he was nice enough to offer me a ride. It wasn’t like I needed his support or anything. We’re not at that level. But he’s been very supportive, in general, and I did tell him I was coming to see you.”
“How is the situation at home?” She looked down at her notes. “With your brother, Nathan, and…Jace? That’s his name, correct? Your brother’s friend?”
“Yes. Good memory.”
“Well, I have it written down.” She smiled. “Was just trying to read my own handwriting.”
“Yes. Of course.” I shifted in my seat. “I haven’t mentioned this before, but there’s a bit of a story there with Jace. Pretty sure it has a lot to do with why I came to see you when I did.” I paused. “Something happened between us.”
Her eyes widened.
I spent the next fifteen minutes telling Dr. Stein about my feelings for Jace over the years and ended at the part where we’d kissed. Aside from Kellianne, I hadn’t talked about him with anyone—besides my mother before she died.
“So…” I said, “I have to wonder whether jumping into something with Colton is such a good idea, given how recently everything went down with Jace. The problem is, I know nothing can ever happen there. Jace made that crystal clear. There’s no choice but to move on.”
“Have you spoken to Jace about your feelings since the day you kissed?”
“No. In fact, I haven’t seen him much over the past few weeks, and that’s been intentional on my part. He stayed at his parents’ for the first couple weeks after we kissed, and honestly, I know the excuse he gave Nathan was bullshit. He had said he needed to help his parents out, but he was just avoiding me. That’s understandable. It was better that we didn’t see each other for a bit.”
“Is he back at your house now?”
“Yes, but I’ve still been avoiding him. I don’t want to have to deal with any tension.”
“Does he know you’ve been seeing Colton?”
“Apparently he does, though I wasn’t the one to tell him. Nathan told me Jace had mentioned that his mother saw me out with Colton. So he knows I’m seeing someone.”
“Why do you think your brother would be so opposed to something happening between you and Jace?”
It was hard to explain Nathan to someone who didn’t know him. “My brother isn’t close to a lot of people. He basically only has Jace and me. Before Jace moved back to town, Nathan was a bit of a loner. Jace is his only real friend. If something were to happen between Jace and me, and it didn’t work out, Nathan would have to choose sides. Nathan and Jace have always been competitive, and as much as Nathan loves his best friend, I know he wouldn’t think Jace was the right person for me. He thinks Jace likes to play the field. Nathan wouldn’t trust him.”